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Post by kestrel on Mar 7, 2008 21:55:36 GMT -5
Kaiya cursed herself mentally for having been so clumsy, and try though she might her lungs, which were not getting much air at all, would not allow her to stop gasping for it. There was no way that she'd be able to just back away now. She had heard something she was sure she should not have. A more responsible person would have reported this matter to the Weyrwoman-in hopes of preventing a potential disaster. She might have even scoffed at Wolf's words about her dragon 'not registering' what was going on because she was asleep. To Kaiya, who'd never been in love with anyone before, it seemed almost selfish of Wolf to risk her dragon's well being just to pursue her own feelings. Of course she couldn't know that this was easier said than done. She would not, either, be able to deal with the guilt if something happened to the gold dragon because she'd kept their secret...she was no dunce. She knew that a rider couldn't hide their feelings-not strong ones, anyway-from their bonded dragons. What Wolf was suggesting felt wrong to the Candidate girl, and she had no clue what to do about it. She wasn't a tell-tale, and if she hadn't been there, at the wrong place and wrong time, then she wouldn't have heard a thing.
'Sometimes ignorance is truly bliss', she thought wryly, even as the pair of persons suddenly grew quiet. She almost made a mad scramble to hide further within the dense shrubbery, but her accursed wind was not back yet, and she was irritated to find herself incapable of making a move at the moment. She had a bad feeling she was about to be discovered.
Sure enough, the bushes parted abruptly to expose the face of a rather worried, and then angry, looking Riler. However, it was much to her surprise that his anger quickly turned to what seemed to be concern at her lack of air. She held up one finger, as the gasps subsided into coughs, her bruised ribs were of no concern to her as she rasped out the words,
"Knocked...the wind...out...of me..." She inhaled deeply through her nose and out through her mouth, as she regained her wind and the pain in her lungs subsided. But then, she stood up shakily, pulling a leaf out of her hair.
She was frustrated, and didn't quite know how to deal with it, but also felt guilty for having overheard what she hadn't meant to. With a final deep breath she muttered,
'It was hot in the barracks...I thought I'd sneak out for a swim and then go back before anyone noticed I was gone..." she trailed off, wondering for a brief moment if they'd try to blackmail her with that-it wasn't like she knew either one of them, and in their desperation to 'keep her quiet', as it was, they might very well pull out any proverbial 'cards' they had against her. She almost couldn't blame them, but no-they wouldn't dare try that. The worst thing that could happen to a Candidate caught sneaking out for a swim was a stern lecture, and perhaps a punishment of harder or more chores to teach her a lesson. The punishment for a Candidate and Wolf, the bonded of a gold? Was more severe than she'd like to think. Riler could be sent away, without ever getting to stand, and Wolf...well, besides not being able to ever see Riler again unless she left the Weyr herself...she'd be demoted from a chance at being Jr.Weyrwoman. She'd seen it happen at her own Weyr, once, and was even warned before she left that there could be no relationships outside strictly friends until she graduated from Weyrlinghood. Not that it was a problem for her-she hadn't had more than a fleeting crush on anyone, not ever. She doubted any guy could make her risk her chance at impressing, or putting her dragon in a compromisingly bad place. But once again...she'd never loved anyone.
So, more loudly, she said, a fierce look in her emerald eyes,
"I thought you were one of the riders, at first-or maybe even the Weyrwoman. So I had to hide as quickly as I could because I didn't want to be seen out here," she explained, then continued, "so I hid in that bush..." She pointed to the bush she'd only just come out of, covered in the leaves that had stuck to her from its branches. She sighed, and then went on, "when I recognized Wolf, I was just figuring she had done the same as I did-come out here to maybe cool off, or whatever." She looked over at Wolf, then back to Riler. There was a pause, and then she admitted, "I was going to leave as soon as she did-but I didn't want her to see I'd crept out either. However..." another pause, "then I heard your voice, Riler." She looked almost guilty, but the stubborn look returned almost instantly, along with a very convicted, "I wasn't spying on you two. I wish I hadn't even come across you in the first place-all I wanted was to cool off and go back. When I-I over heard what you guys said, I didn't want to have..." she pulled another stray leaf from her hair and then sighed heavily. "I was trying to just leave when I tripped over one of the bushes roots that was sticking up, and knocked the wind out of myself..." She reddened a bit at this, still embarrassed that she'd managed to bungle up her escape so badly. If they hadn't have caught her, maybe, just maybe, it would have been easier to pretend she'd never seen anything at all. Now, however...
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Post by Wolf on Mar 11, 2008 23:10:42 GMT -5
Wolf wished that she had been the brave one to get up and see what had made such a loud 'thud.' When Riler went to check she sat up quickly, getting ready to spring in to action if she was needed. When she heard Riler call out a name she was shocked, that didn't sound like the name of any Riders she knew. When the girl stood up Wolf could more clearly make out her features. She still definitely didn’t recognize her, especially since she hadn't seen any one around with red hair like hers. Wolf stood-up, dusting herself off. Here was another Candidate, having snuck out herself, and Wolf had been the one caught-by her. She heaved a sigh, hating how ironic it was that this was the one night she'd decide to spring free from the Barracks and now she'd been found out. She didn't know anything about Kaiya, so therefore right now she was expecting the worst; that the girl would squeal on both her and Riler.
When Kaiya mentioned that she had overheard there conversation the Weyrling's face went an intense shade of red. Embarrassment was marked all over her face, as well as doubt and worry. She bit her lip gently, trying to read in to Kaiya's facial expression. She crossed her arms over her chest and came closer to the two, now standing next to Riler. She didn't know what to say-especially since she never lied and would never defend herself when she knew she was guilty. She didn't have to explain herself to the girl that much was for certain, especially since it was honestly none of Kaiya’s business (but it was the business of Christae and the Weyrling Master). Wolf looked down at her feet, shaking with nervousness. She slowly dragged her eyes up to Riler, betting that he was sick over this whole incident. She had to take charge; she was the most matured Rider here after all! Not that Kaiya would expect it with what was taking place…
"Kaiya, I realize that what you've heard must be hard for you-since I'm sure you've been well educated on the rules around here. “While I'm not going to tell you what to do, seeing as I'm not capable of doing that, I do want to make sure you know that a lot of people could be severely hurt if you decide to go and… end-up telling some one. I'd love to tell you to just forget what you've seen and heard, and just go on as if everything were normal-but then I'd be asking you to lie to yourself". She felt rather emotional; she figured it was because of all the events that were building up tonight. She had barely had enough time to register what 'may be' between her and Riler before this had happened.
"Let me just start off by saying that we're not hurting any one. I would die a thousand deaths before I'd ever jeopardize Serinth's life. She's no part of this-my Gold-and she never will be until I know she's good and ready". The formation of tears were twinkling in her eyes, which caused her to abruptly look off to the side and break eye contact with the older girl. She reached a hand up to rub the back of her neck, something she often did while pondering deeply. She hated to have people know she was crying, or even about to.
'What am I supposed to do?' she thought to herself, feeling very anxious. ‘How can I be so happy one moment and completely distressed the next?’ She wished that life would just cut her a break, but that was probably asking for too much. Wolf could some times step up when she knew she had to, other times she was extremely distant and unsure of herself.
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Post by Riler on Mar 12, 2008 21:53:58 GMT -5
Riler gave a small sigh of relief as she began to pant, and then breathe normally. If she began to suffocate, Riler would’ve had to call for help, and then he’d be questioned as to what he was doing out so late as well. He was also simply thankful she was alright because, though he and Kaiya didn’t talk all that often, they were still Candidates together, still like a family in this place.
As she talked, Riler could feel his throat slowly beginning to clench up; his heart beginning to beat faster; his stomach beginning to drop. She had heard everything. She knew….Knew everything. He didn’t want anyone to have heard that. He was reluctant to have even told Wolf, the person whom his heart swooned for! And now Kaiya knew, someone he hardly knew. Someone he didn’t know if he could trust. She had never given him any reason not to trust her, though…Maybe she would keep their secret. Hopefully.
‘Otherwise we’re done for,’ he thought to himself glumly.
Riler watched Wolf proudly as she began her speech to Kaiya, trying to convince her to not tell anyone, that they had this under control. But then she broke off. Riler watched Wolf sadly as tears slowly began to fill in her eyes and she looked away. Protectively, Riler edged himself a little closer to Wolf, and instinctively placed his hand on Wolf’s arm, caressing it gently.
‘Poor girl is probably going through a lot,’ he reasoned. He didn’t bother to question why he didn’t feel completely overwhelmed. Now wasn’t really the time for that.
“Listen, Kaiya,” Riler began, not really knowing where he was going with it, “I know what you heard must be…troubling. Yes, I deeply care for Wolf,” he said as he quickly glanced at Wolf, just for a moment, “ya can’t change that. I know that she has other priorities over relationships, over people; she has her bonded, her Serinth. I wouldn’t ever want to jeopardize what they have right now, ever.”
He paused for a moment, his mouth still moving up and down as he tried to think of what to say next. He sighed. “Two things can happen now. One,” he said as he held up a finger, “you can squeal, tell the Weyrwoman, and I’ll probably be thrown out of Dark Moon for good.” He honestly hadn’t the slightest clue whether or not he’d be thrown out. But it sure sounded awful, didn’t it?
“Or two,” he continued as he flicked up another finger on his hand, “you can give me and Wolf a chance to be able to figure things out for ourselves, for us to work this out on our own.”
‘By the egg of Faranth, please make the right decision,’ he prayed silently.
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Post by kestrel on Mar 13, 2008 10:27:28 GMT -5
Kaiya listened, but she wasn't sure that she liked what Wolf was saying-not at all. She knew that the other girl was trying to convince her not to tell on them-that much was all too obvious. She also didn't like the way that she was being spoken to like a child, as if she didn't know the consequences of what her 'telling on them' would do. She knew, better than many. She'd grown up in a Weyr, after all. However, she continued to listen passively, holding in a large sigh, as she wished even more she could have been elsewhere that night, instead of having seen what she did, heard what she did. Could she dismiss it? Wolf was right, she was not the sort to lie to herself-or anyone else, for that matter. She wondered, then, if asked, she would tell the truth about it. Then again...who was there that knew about this other than the three of them? No one. She wasn't even supposed to have been there. She was all but decided to just go with this thought-that she wasn't supposed to have been there, and therefore that maybe, just maybe, minding her own business and letting them deal with things would work. However, it was Wolf's next statement that made her eyes flash with a touch of anger. They weren't hurting anyone? That her dragon was 'no part in this'
Admin's Note:[/hr] She was about to retort hotly to this, when the other girl stopped speaking-she couldn't be sure but she thought she saw the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes, just before she looked away. Well, as well she might cry, though Kaiya thought it was more fo the fact that she was frustrated that they'd been caught, and didn't know what to do now, than any remorse for the fact that what she was doing endangered her own dragon. She wanted to scoff, then-this was to be a potential Weyrwoman some day? She admired those who impressed golds, because she thought they were responsible, smart individuals who had something it took to impress a Queen who would someday perhaps be the Sr. Queen and Weyrwoman of a Weyr. But now, she wasn't so sure. She respected the current Weyrwoman, but how could she respect someone who would put her own bonded in a compromising situation-then try to say that she 'wasn't involved in it'
Admin's Note:[/hr] Even she, for shards sakes, knew better than this. All of Kaiya's thoughts were from an 'outsider's view'. She wasn't thinking much about feelings between people, and perhaps this was where she might have been more understanding if she could have understood that. She was about to speak when Riler started speaking, and she turned her attention to him, curious of what he would have to say. However, she was once more rather put off.
First off, he began by making the same statement that Wolf had-that he wouldn't do anything to compromise what was going on with Serinth. Then, secondly, he asked her not to tell on them. Or close enough to it. Their one mistake was that they kept bringing the dragon into it-that was her issue. She didn't care what the two of them did, but she did care how it would affect a dragon that could end up being affected horridly by what they were doing. What he asked, however, right at the end, made her pause to consider again. He wanted a chance to figure things out. What would she say to that? She'd just heard the two swear to keep things a secret between them, and that know one would have to know! The girl's mind raced with thoughts, facts and indecisions. Left to 'figure things out on their own', Kaiya had little doubt they would continue with their feelings for one another, and find some way to pursue their feelings without letting anyone know. She'd happened upon them accidentally. But if she had not...
Admin's Note:[/hr] They would have gone right on with what they were doing, all the while trying to convince themselves-or did they honestly believe what they were saying, despite all they'd been taught?-that Wolf's dragon would be no part in it, not affected by it...the rules were in place for a reason. A good reason. But the question was: was she one to enforce that reason, in her current position? Or should she let them be, and deal with the consequences later? The consequences, whatever they were, weren't good.
She wasn't too sure what to say, so, she went with what she was feeling. She decided to be blunt and honest, and see what they had to say to what she said. She wanted to let things be, but she also didn't like that she knew, and if something happened that she would have to feel partly responsible for keeping her silence. So, she took a deep breath, trying to find some semblance of organization for her thoughts, and began by first addressing Wolf, since she'd spoken first.
"All right," she said, looking a bit frustrated, "first off, Wolf, nothing you could say would alter my decision. If you're trying to convince me not to tell on you two, it won't work-because whether or not I say anything will be based on my being able to deal with what happens if I don't-or what could happen, anyhow." She glanced at Riler briefly, then added, "the same goes for you-that might work with someone else, the two of you trying to make them not tell. However, that isn't me. I do what I think is right, not what others try to pressure me into doing, subtly or not." She then turned back to Wolf, and the old irritation flared up, thought it was only slightly apparent to anyone, and her next words were only reflections on how she felt, not meant as bitingly as they sounded.
"Wolf, I have no idea how you impressed a dragon, let alone a gold. You know as well as I do-no, better, even-that you can't hide anything from your dragon. The fact that you even say that she'll have no part in it until she's 'good and ready'
Admin's Note:[/hr] Counts for nothing. She'll have a part in it because you can't lie to yourself, as you so put it. If you choose to pursue your feelings, they'll undoubtedly grow even stronger. You think you can hide that from Serinth? Well, that's where you've made your first mistake. I always thought being bonded to a dragon would be wonderful-because you're so close, because you have someone who is your best friend and closest confident both. Because they know how you're feeling and they feel with you." She paused, sighing heavily, and then continued, "is your bond with Serinth so weak that you feel you can hide feelings from her, is that it?" She was trying to get an honest answer here, something to justify to herself that in her not telling anyone, things would turn out okay. That Wolf was just having a 'weak moment', and that the girl would put her dragon before her own feelings, and so, "I think you're incredibly selfish. You were going to hide this from everyone, even your own dragon. Just to pursue your own feelings-which, I'm sure, are merited. However, I'm betting that there are lots of people who fall in love before they've graduated Weyrlinghood. Granted, you and Riler here, if he impresses, will be waiting about three turns before you can have a relationship that your dragon can be a part of. If you seriously like each other that much, you'd continue to get to know each other better as friends, without selfishly pursuing a relationship that's anything more." Her tone was not patronizing, not chastising whatsoever. It was almost pleading, even. She didn't want to have to feel responsible if they messed up and she'd known all along.
She turned then to Riler, another breath before beginning to him,
"you've made the same mistake. You are jeopardizing Serinth-more than it appears either of you are either understanding...or maybe you do but you've convinced yourself otherwise, I don't know. In agreeing to keep your feelings secret, without letting anyone else know, you're lying to yourself and to everyone else, for that matter. Because, as I explained to Wolf, Serinth will know, one way or the other, through Wolf's bond with her." She glanced over at Wolf, back at Riler. "Did you forget everything and anything you were taught and told, the both of you? Or did someone transplant wherry brains into your own heads?" She frowned, then, eyebrows furrowing, before she went on, "your dragon can't handle the concept of sharing you, Wolf. Not like that. Mutual friends are one thing-your dragon understands friendship and companionship, and the need for both exists within you and her. However, what she doesn't understand is anything more than that. She will grow jealous over you the same way you'd grow jealous, persay, if Riler's attentions turned elsewhere. Only times that by one hundred fold. You could ruin her, cause her severe mental damage. Do you want to lose her, because your own feelings are more important to you than her well-being is? Is that it?" This last was directed at Wolf, once more.
Yes, she wanted to get a rise out of these two, and perhaps their responses to this would decide for her what she ought to do. She was purposely trying to get them to 'defend what they were saying'. She believed that if a person had good reasons for what they were doing, and they believed in those reasons, everything would turn out all right. But what, she wondered, was the reasons for Wolf and Riler's actions? Truth be told, she knew about love, and how strong it was-despite the fact that she'd never felt it. She could respect it, but how would her 'respecting it' work and apply here, in this situation? If Wolf and Riler agreed to keep things at a base friendship level, would it stop the feelings from growing between them anyhow? Usually, when it was found that a Candidate and Weyrling had allowed feelings to grow, they were kept apart, until the feelings were under control, or their dragons were able to deal with them. If she said nothing, even if Wolf and Riler did agree to what she'd said, wouldn't that by default be causing the same problem anyhow?
She realized that no matter what she would choose to do, something bad would be the outcome. Or at least was likely to be. Her mind was in turmoil, and she was frustrated that no decision was the obvious one. She didn't even know, now, what the right decision was. Did she tell, and have bad consequences befall Wolf and Riler? Would she stay silent, and risk bad consequences to Wolf's dragon? Would she do nothing, period, and try and forget what she'd seen and heard, thereby 'lying to herself', as Wolf had so aptly put it? What should she do?!
Ooc: yes, I'm playing this up a lot. Plots plots and more plots! ^^ Besides, I think it'll be fun for you two to try and deal with Kaiya. So have fun! XXD [/font][/size]
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Post by Wolf on Mar 13, 2008 13:54:26 GMT -5
Its like they were on trial, and some one that knew nothing about either of them was speaking her mind as if she'd known them for years. Sure, the situation was uncompromising, and when one took two steps back to look up on it, it was pretty obvious that it could develop in to a serious situation. Thing was that right now, it wasn't, and Kaiya was talking to Wolf as if she was scum of the earth. The younger girl was literally holding her breath, trying not to squeak out or make so much as a single sound. Meanwhile, Riler was caressing her arm and it really wasn't making her feel what she knew she should probably be feeling right now, which made her in turn feel completely wrong. She put a hand on her head, remaining peering downward. No, all of this was too much, and there was no way that she could answer these questions (or even look up at this point in time). She had to leave, she had to pull the hit and run. This was now officially a night she'd be putting out of her mind for the rest of her life-as if that were even a possibility.
First, she shifted a bit so that she was both distanced from the Candidate girl and Riler. Next she just... turned around and ran. It was as plain and simple as that, and she didn’t have a shardin’ clue as to where she was going or when she would even stop running. All she knew is that she was taking the coward’s way out, because the last thing she had ever been able to take was confrontation.
When she had first arrived at the Weyr she had been a whole different girl, any one could've told you that-for her sarcasm was rarely forgotten, along with her boldness to take things in to her own hands. Up on arriving at Dark Moon Weyr she had viewed the place as more of her playground rather then something to take seriously. She had been too many Weyrs, and had dealt with all sorts of things in her short lifetime. J'kel had been the first to befriend her, and he had taught her how people can be. He'd shown her that not all people were like her father, who'd often used her as a play toy to get out all his anger... Then she'd be introduced to Akki-a girl that was now one of her closest friends. At first she wasn't too sure about any one here; seeing as how they were all the: "Who wants a hug?" type. Her own little bubble had been invaded on more then one occasion, and then she'd reached out so that she was the one returning the affection. She still flinched every now and then at touch-but she was learning to overcome it.
She finally stopped running, seating herself behind a tree. She pulled her knees in to her chest, making herself as small as possible, her arms wrapping around her legs while she slowly rocked back and forth. 'Am I really all those things she said?' she wondered, not having taken too much time to question herself lately. Which was surprising since it was a common occurrence for her. 'Perhaps, I shouldn't have impressed. If Christae saw me now she'd probably agree...' She held in her sobs, hating the whole sucky-baby thing. It just wasn't her. 'Serinth cares so much about me, and every day I don't know what I'd do with out her but... I'm jeopardizing her, I was about to, I was...' She broke down; there were few times one would ever see her doing so but on the rare occasion when she was going through an emotional period there would be times when she often did-regretting it later on. 'I'm so sorry Serinth,' she thought, her forehead against her knees while her arms were folded to cover her face. 'R'xis, what would he think?' More tears streamed down her face while images flashed in her head of times she'd thought she'd finally put behind her. R'xis, wrapping up bruises on her arms and taking care of cuts on her face. Him yelling at her dad and then getting knocked over after because he’d tried to start a fistfight with the old man. Wolf, hiding in the doorway each time.
'What happened after I left?' she wondered, surely he couldn't have led a happy life. 'Did he bother to help himself after I left since he no longer had some one to defend?' She continued to sob, trying to push out a few breaths after each one so she didn't pass out from dizziness. 'Roxis...' she thought, her brother's full name ringing in her head. She was really cold now, it seemed that all the cold air was blowing in her direction. She felt completely helpless, just like the child version of herself once up on a time.
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Post by Riler on Mar 13, 2008 22:21:29 GMT -5
Riler patiently listened to Kaiya as she spoke. Throughout most of her speech, Riler had a frown on his face. It wasn’t because he didn’t like what he was hearing from her. No, it was because she had made so much sense. Whether or not he wanted to admit it to himself, she was making a very strong argument. Did Riler really understand what he was doing to Serinth, involving himself with Wolf? There was no way he wanted to have the guilt of hurting the young gold on his hands, on his conscious. It wouldn’t only hurt Serinth; it would hurt Wolf and the entire Weyr.
He didn’t know what to say, for a moment, until he felt Wolf beginning to slip out of his hand—he hadn’t realized he had been touching her during Kaiya’s talk. Before he knew what was going on, Wolf had bolted out of his grasp, running away.
“Wolf!” He hissed at her, angrily.
She was…running away?
That didn’t seem like the Wolf that Riler knew.
He stared after her in the darkness until she was out of sight. Then, he looked at Kaiya, eyeing her carefully. He really didn’t know what to say to her. Anything that Riler would said, she’d probably just come back with some quick rebuttal—he suddenly admired her for that skill, she could clearly argue both quickly and tactfully—and strike down whatever structure or fragments of an argument he could possibly form.
But…Shards, didn’t he have to at least try?
“Kaiya, that was very….well spoken,” he began quietly, grasping for words in his head. “Please try and understand, I would never, ever want to hurt Serinth or Wolf or the Weyr because of anything I’ve ever done, am doing, or ever will do. But I will not take back what I said tonight; I fancy Wolf.” He paused for a moment, smiling. It probably wasn’t the right time for Riler to be smiling about his situation, or to even be in a good mood. But just thinking of Wolf put him in a good mood. “Have you ever really liked someone so much that you can’t not want to make them the happiest person alive?” Nothing bothering to let her answer the question, he continued. “That’s how I feel about her.”
‘Where,’ Riler asked himself, ‘am I going with this?’
“T-the point is,” he went on, “I just want Wolf to be happy. If that means that the Weyrwoman must remove me from the Weyr so that Wolf can only have Serinth, so be it.”
‘Do I really mean that?’ He wondered. Was he that willing to leave? To not even be given the chance to impress a dragon of his own? No, of course not, he didn’t want to go. But if it meant that Wolf, Serinth and the Weyr would be happy…Maybe he was better off not being there? Maybe he was better off living back in Galsden Hold. He supposed that maybe his family would take him back into their home and…
‘What am I think?’ He was getting ahead of himself, thinking of things that were irrelevant to the moment. Besides, what was the actual consequence of being caught in a relationship? Was it actually exile? Or was Riler just expecting the worse?
“I…” He paused, thinking hard. “I’m…willing to wait.” He finally got out. “For Serinth. To mature.” His sentences were butchering themselves. “I’m sorry to say I won’t act like I don’t deeply care for her,” he continued, though he felt like he was being stubborn at this point, “because I do. But…” Shards, he had a tough time admitting up to this. “…But you’re right in saying Serinth is more important than me. I’m disposable, replaceable. Gold dragons are not.”
He took a moment to reflect on what he said—talking without thinking sadly allowed Riler to do this. Was that all he really was? Just something that could be thrown away? He sadly thought it might be true.
Maybe.
“…If it takes a turn. Two turns. Three turns…I’ll wait. For Wolf.” His eyes moved from Kaiya and began darting all around the sky, looking upwards for a moment. “It’s not as if I plan on going anywhere, ya know?” He frowned, now; just for a moment. He quickly forced a smile.
‘Unless she plans on turning me in, of course,’ he thought glumly.
“I can wait…” Did he want to wait? Absolutely not. But should he wait? Probably. Would he wait? It seemed like he had to.
He turned back to Kaiya, smiling genuinely now. “Be thankful that it’s nighttime and I do not wish to be heard. Because if you insulted Wolf during the daytime the way you did moments ago, I’d be furious and shouting.” He gave a small, soft laugh. “And then I’d have a hoarse voice for the rest of the day. So I guess we should both be thankful that it’s night.”
“I don’t care whether or not you think you’re right, though,” Riler continued. “What you said to Wolf, questioning how she impressed a gold, was way out of line and extremely rude. Extremely rude, he repeated for emphasis. “It was harsh and uncalled for and I think you owe her an apology,” he said sympathetically. “I don’t give a care whether or not you think what you said was right. How would you feel if someone had said that to you, if you were in her situation? She’s been put through a lot of emotional strain, tonight—clearly—and you’re not helping by blatantly insulting her.” He bit his bottom lip gently. “I’m going to go and find her, now. If you’re mature enough to see that some of the things you said were just mean and rude, you’re welcome to accompany me in finding her. Otherwise, please leave me be and go decide my and Wolf’s fate elsewhere.”
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Post by kestrel on Mar 14, 2008 22:17:17 GMT -5
Kaiya had expected Wolf to do many things. Perhaps try to defend herself and fail miserably, because there was no right thing about what she was doing. Perhaps get angry, and tell her off for speaking her mind so blatantly. Perhaps, if she were the rash, temperamental type, try to pick a fight. Or maybe even threaten Kaiya about keeping her mouth shut. All those things, she perfectly expected, and had braced herself to deal with each of them. However, when Wolf started to look uncomfortable, and then, without warning, bolted?
Kaiya's mouth dropped, as she stared in disbelief after the Weyrling. What on earth was she doing? Where was she going? And why, for Faranth's sake, did she look like she was going to cry? Those were all questions she didn't quite have the answers for. Most people wouldn't have run away. Wolf might have at least tried to defend herself. What she had done, however, was the worst thing possible. She'd pretty much screamed 'guilty of stated crimes' and turned tail and fled. However, it was maybe the best thing she could have done, though she might not have realized it. Because it had left Kaiya speechless, and wondering what on earth she was going to do next. What if Wolf ran away from the Weyr-would she do that? Her dragon needed the Weyr, and other dragons, and complete training from the Weyrlingmaster. She wouldn't flee like that, would she? Kaiya then realized that if she did, she'd have to explain the situation anyway. She didn't know the Weyrling well enough to know what she'd do. Or maybe...had she been unable to handle the situation? Maybe she'd panicked and gone off somewhere to think....
Admin's Note:[/hr]
'Or to cry,' was the next thought, unbidden in her mind, as she felt herself inwardly cringe at thought. Was there a possibility that she'd made the other girl cry? Well, that wasn't what she'd been going for.
Kaiya, strong willed and outspoken, honest to a fault and made of tougher stuff than most girls, was not used to sensitive, emotional people. She herself had always been told that being strong and keeping that way was the best way to survive and the best way to be successful. To always defend what she believed in, and always do what she thought was right-and to never let another person do you wrong, but to admit your mistakes and try to learn from them. So, in her eyes her harshness was simply trying to open up Riler and Wolf's eyes to the severity of what they were planning on doing. However, instead of having the desired effect, it caused something she was so not expecting, that all she could do was stare after Wolf in mute shock, and ask in confusion,
"Was it just me, or did she just run away?"
However, Riler spoke up directly after she said this and she was almost certain he'd tell her off for causing Wolf to run away. However, he only hissed at her to return, from the sounds of it, before turning to her and addressing her...calmly? What people were these, that had such unexpected reactions? Did he just...compliment her on being 'well spoken'
Admin's Note:[/hr] He didn't even sound angry-just like he was trying to give her an explanation. She couldn't relate to wanting someone to be happy no matter what-but that was only because what Riler was doing wouldn't make either of them happy in the long run. It'd either ruin Serinth, cause frustrations, lies, and sneaking around behind people's backs...what good could come of it? So when he said that, she just sighed heavily and said nothing, continuing to listen-it wasn't like he gave much room for an actual response, anyhow. Perhaps the question had been of the rhetorical kind, then. She didn't care if he 'fancied her', not in the least. That didn't matter in a situation like this, you were supposed to follow rules that were implemented for your dragon's safety, and in turn, your own well-being in the ending outcome. It wasn't like someone said they could never be together-they just had to do the right thing and wait-why was that so hard? Did they care more about themselves than Serinth?
She was a logical, down-to-earth girl. She knew there was a right and wrong in every situation, and she didn't like it when people tried to excuse things with feelings or personal ideas. Opinions were all good-but not when the opinions put others at risk. However, what he said about him being 'replaceable', she looked irate, then, but waited for him to finish speaking.
He said he would wait for her-but would she uphold that, too? Besides that, only moments before they'd both been willing to hide it from everyone-could he be saying this, and not meaning it? Kaiya was a good judge of character, and she thought he looked sincere enough. However, no one knew better than she that looks could be deceiving. She wasn't about to trust Riler, who moments before, had agreed to hide what they were doing from everyone. Omitting could be in the same category as lying, insofar as she was concerned. Plus it was downright sneaky. Wolf, especially, owed the WW and her dragon everything. If it weren't for Kaith, Wolf wouldn't have her Serinth. Perhaps the girl was too logical, though? Kaiya didn't know if there was such a thing. She did feel for people, but she didn't like people who put themselves before others-and that included their dragons. True, it wasn't as if they'd done it yet-but somehow she didn't doubt they would have if they hadn't been caught. Perhaps they hadn't been thinking? Everyone made mistakes, everyone was guilty of not thinking from time to time...perhaps she was too quick to judge?
She was annoyed that she was suddenly rather unsure, and confused about what to do next. Suddenly, Riler was smiling at her, but his words were anything but all smiles. She listened, but her eyes turned cold, and when he was finally done speaking, she replied levelly, now trying to show him the same courtesy as he'd just shown her in his explanation,
"Yes, that may have been rude. However, I am not the sort to not speak my mind, and I do wonder how someone willing to risk their dragon for their own personal feelings instead of waiting like others do, impressed a dragon at all. I suppose they impress all sorts, and I don't know her as well as I might-or at all, for that matter. Needless to say, though, I wanted to make my point...and I didn't mean for her to cry." She sighed, and then said firmly, "no person in this Weyr, or anywhere, is replaceable, or dispensable-and that includes you. Do you always belittle yourself so?" Her eyes hardened again momentarily, as she added, "if you had shouted at me in her 'defense' over something you took as an insult, it would have gotten you no where. What I said was my own feelings-I don't know how she impressed when she took all those lessons during her time as a Candidate warning her of what could happen to her dragon..." she paused, and then added, "however, I am sure Serinth saw something in her, or she wouldn't have chosen her. Maybe she just let her feelings run away with her-but I will think much less of her if she pursues your initial ideas of 'hiding this'. I recommend you be friends, and if what you said was true-that you are willing to wait for Serinth matures-than I will back you all the way." She looked fierce and quite serious, as she continued, "I will not apologize for speaking the truth. I will, however, apologize for making her cry-that was the last thing I expected to do. I just wanted her to come to her senses before something did happen-something that would have ruined her a lot more than any words from myself or anyone could have done." She glanced off in the direction Wolf had gone, turning back to Riler, "maybe you could have hidden it...but not from Serinth, not forever...and people would start to notice if you were making eyes at Wolf and she at you-people would suspect, people are not stupid. They would be expecting you to do the right thing. If you didn't-how do you think Wolf would feel if she lost Serinth, or even couldn't see you anymore until Serinth matured? Although that might not be too bad an idea, I don't think it would be pleasant for either of you." She shook her head and looked down at the ground, before looking back up at Riler, her face very solemn now. "How would I feel if I were in her situation?" A slight upturn at the corner of her mouth before her next words: "I wouldn't BE in her situation to begin with. I wouldn't let personal feelings overcome me to the point I'd be willing to sneak around, and, by default, be lying to others. I'd never risk the life or mentality or well being of my dragon to pursue my own feelings, especially since my dragon matures in only a couple years. I think that if your feelings were as real as you say they are, you two wouldn't be where you are now either. You're both being selfish and inconsiderate, and nothing but what I said about her 'impressing gold' was an insult. It was all truths, and I think you and Wolf know that..." she trailed off, then quickly added, "I'm not about to let you go find her by yourself, since likely I'm the reason she ran off. I will try to make amends, but I do not have to try and excuse myself for my actions. I was honest, and if you two don't like honesty, I'm not to fault for that...I will apologize that I was perhaps too harsh. However, unless you can think of why what I said was wrong...then you'll be fine with that."
She wondered what he'd come up with to say to that-she was apologizing, but not because she'd meant to insult. She hadn't, Wolf had gotten over-emotional and run off. She was only sorry that she'd been the cause of her doing so...not for what she'd said-well, perhaps the impression comment she was, now. She had only intended for them to say they wouldn't pursue this past remaining close friends...that way she would have been all right with saying nothing to anybody about what she'd seen-unless, of course, she happened across them again, by the shells of the first egg-and she hoped that never happened! She dusted off her clothes, and waited for Riler's response.
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Post by Riler on Mar 16, 2008 21:39:16 GMT -5
Riler’s good humor was slowly diminishing as Kaiya continued talking. Didn’t he already make his point that he wouldn’t pursue a relationship with Wolf until a few Turns, until Serinth was old enough and mature enough to understand that she wasn’t being replaced? Then why did it seem like she was attempting to convince him? Was it possible that she simply didn’t trust him? Riler was a lot of things, but he was in no ways a person who broke his promise. Of course, like everybody else, he’d lie on occasion, but never in this kind of situation. No, this was way too serious. Riler felt rather insulted that she didn’t believe him, and somewhat hurt. He didn’t voice this feeling, though, for he knew that she’d probably just come up with some other thing to say that made him even more frustrated with this girl.
Somewhere in here little speech Riler’s respect for her slowly began to lessen. He idly thought it was around the time that she had called both him and Wolf ‘selfish and inconsiderate.’ Maybe before. But he knew that he didn’t like being insulted, not one bit.
“No,” he began coldly, “I don’t always belittle myself. What I simply meant that if I, for whatever reason, was removed from the Weyr, there’s always another Candidate out there. But it’s not like you can just go out and grab another gold dragon. But forget what I said, then, because it clearly didn't put across my point the way I wanted it to.”
“Don’t you apologize if you don’t mean it,” Riler said sternly, a frown tugging on the corner of his lips. “It’s just like lying to somebody’s face.” It was, wasn’t it? You’re telling a person something that isn’t true, that you’re sorry for them even when you think they got what they deserved. It was horribly dishonest, especially considering that you’re generally lying to them when they’re emotionally distressed, when they’re in need of an apology. Riler wasn’t sure whether or not Kaiya would be sincere in her apology to Wolf. But maybe Riler was just a little frustrated because Kaiya would be apologizing for the wrong reason. Was an apology demeaning if it was done for the wrong reason? Maybe not, but it still didn’t seem exactly…right.
He sighed thoughtfully at Kaiya. Riler should’ve expected her to say she wouldn’t have been in this situation. She simply didn’t understand what he had felt—was still feeling!—so she really couldn’t put herself into his shoes. Or was Riler simply using the fact that she hadn’t been in a relationship to justify his own personal thoughts? He bit his lip gently, reasoning with himself in a split moment of time. It was possible, he concluded, that he was stressing too much emphasis on the fact that she couldn’t comprehend what he was feeling and therefore couldn’t properly judge them or feel any sympathy for his case, but the fact remained that she couldn’t properly judge them!
“I am not selfish,” he snarled at the insult, “or inconsiderate. I am a person, a person who feels emotions, a person who likes to feel good emotions, a person who can make mistakes!” He raised his hands to the sky, still looking at Kaiya, his anger and frustration at the girl beginning to leave him. His features softened, his eyes looking at Kaiya with a saddening look. “People can make mistakes; they’ve done so since time began. I’m here, trying to make penance for the mistake I’ve made this night.” He let his hands slowly drop from the sky, dangling by his sides limply. “So please try to understand,” he said in a matter-of-fact like tone, “that I get a little upset when, as I try to make amends and fix the wrong I’ve made, I’m blatantly insulted to my face. Whether or not you think you’re right,” he said haughtily, “you’re being plain mean. You might not realize it; you might think you’re doing the right thing by speaking your mind. If this is so, I feel sorry for your mind, for it is a spiteful one. One day, you’re going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and they’re not going to take it as kindly as I am trying to.” Riler paused for a moment, to let his words sink in. He sighed. “I’m not saying to stop speaking the ‘truth’. Just stop being so damned tactless.” He wasn’t trying to insult her. Honestly, Riler liked Kaiya. She was smart and pretty, but she just seemed so…mean. Riler got the sneaking suspicion that the latter was unintentional, but there it was, the meanness, glaring at Riler with its ugly head. He shrugged his shoulders. “Just some advice for ya, take it or leave it.” How could she blame him, Riler thought wryly, he was just speaking the truth. The thought made Riler smile, just a little. He paused a moment before voicing that he wanted to start going after Wolf, just so Kaiya could respond to him. He imagined her insulting him some more, pointing out more of her ‘truth’ to him. He doubted she’d take his advice to heart—hoped that she would, but didn’t think she’d do it, she seemed too headstrong.
‘Maybe,’ he thought to himself hopefully.
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Post by kestrel on Mar 17, 2008 0:53:13 GMT -5
Kaiya hadn't exactly expected Riler to stay calm and level during all of this, but she was still mildly surprised that his voice dropped from 'mild' to 'sub-zero' in mere seconds. Well, apparently something she said had hit home-though not necessarily as she'd wanted it to. She noted then that he didn't seem so cold as another might have been-his voice had a certain edge to it, but it wasn't cruelly cold, like some were when they were addressing someone with such a tone in their voice. He just didn't seem to be impressed with what she'd said about him belittling himself-perhaps she had, after all, taken what he'd said the wrong way? In his explanation that followed thereafter, she realized that she had. She frowned slightly, only nodding once curtly about a gold being irreplaceable while there were, as yet, still many more candidates. Yes, he made more sense when putting it that way-or at least now she had the gist of what he meant before, when he said he himself was replaceable while a gold dragon was not.
His voice took on a sterner tone at his next words, and she inhaled sharply-like lying to someone's face, was it? Well, she hadn't intended to apologize without meaning what she was apologizing for. So, her visage of the next moment was one of haven taken offense, and her own tone was a little colder for it, as she replied curtly,
"perhaps you missed the part about me being an honest person. It is your choice whether you choose to believe it or not-but trust me when I say I would rather not apologize at all than apologize without meaning it!" She stared straight into his face, eyes slightly tinged with the insult she felt he'd given her in mild irritation. However, when his next words came forth, she realized that perhaps she'd not been the only one to take offense that night. Nor, until then, did she realize that anything she'd said might have truly been offensive. Then, he began speaking again, his look calming after he raised his hands to the sky, his gaze never leaving her face. She wondered if the sky was something that held meaning for him in some way-she'd seen him grow calmer more than once tonight after acknowledging it in some way-either by look or action. No matter, she soon stopped thinking about it, as her eyes widened with each word he spoke thereafter.
He said she had insulted him-well, that she might have figured from his reaction seconds ago, almost a 'snarl' at her for what insult she had apparently given him. She was willing to admit he was right, there...he had just said he was going to wait, and therefore the mistake he'd made would be atoned for. The fact that she wasn't sure if she believed what he had said or not seemed lessened by his words-he truly did seem to realize what his actions had almost done, and it wasn't precisely fair for her to be too judgmental-though he couldn't blame her entirely for that, given she hardly knew him and seconds ago he'd been willing to pretty much hide and sneak around, in a sense living a double standard lie. But he was right-everyone did make mistakes, no matter who they were, and it was the ones who realized and tried to fix them that were the better people.
He said she was mean. He said that she had a spiteful mind, and that he felt sorry for her-and all she could do was stare, wide-eyed and dumbfounded. Kaiya had never considered herself as being a mean person-usually everyone knew that though she wasn't too fond of many people, and with good reason, she was always willing to give people a chance and was, in fact, not usually one to judge anyone she didn't know. It was then that it sunk in that she had been judging them, and having just met them, could she really do that? Sure, she thought she was right in telling them that they were wrong for what they'd done, were about to do. However, Riler had put it most aptly-everyone made mistakes. Even she had, from time to time. She was tactless? She wanted to dismiss that it was true the moment he said it, but realized that in this instance, at least, she certainly hadn't shown him that she was. She frowned, not knowing what to say or do next. What could she say or do? If he thought she was mean, spiteful and tactless...well, spiteful didn't apply there. You couldn't show spite unless someone had done you some wrong or another, or only towards someone you knew. He'd been wrong about that, but it still rather stung that he'd used the word in his description of her, and she had no inclination, at that point in time, to correct him. Instead, it was the words 'mean and tactless' that made their impression, and it was her turn to look at the skies overhead, wondering if there was something there she, too, could use to order her thoughts and speak again. It must have helped, because in a few seconds, after a silent pause that seemed to her to last much longer than the few seconds that it actually was, she looked at the boy she didn't even know but had apparently thought she was a mean, tactless and insulting person, and said in a mild tone,
"perhaps you're right," and then, a wry smile, "though it's certainly not what I was going for, I didn't show much tact, and perhaps it could have sounded mean whether or not I meant for it to be..." she trailed off, fumbling around in her mind for her next words, and then, "well, I didn't mean to insult you. I'm sorry if I did-but I am not used to dealing with such situations, and I was not expecting to ever have to. You are right-we all make mistakes, and I'm sorry that I have seemingly insulted you when you have said you are willing to fix yours. Perhaps...well....perhaps I was too harsh with both you and Wolf, and even a bit too judgmental. It wasn't my intent..." she could get out no more than that, and while the stubbornness in her mind wanted to point out that she'd been right in what she said, that she was merely stating how she felt...well, it didn't really seem so much of an urge in her to do so, because she'd realized that he, too, was right. When he suggested they go look for Wolf, she swallowed an uneasy lump in her throat and made a 'mmm' sound, in agreement.
She had no idea how to address Wolf when she saw the girl. If she'd been as mean and tactless as Riler said she had-whether or no she realized it herself in completion, she knew it must have been true given both their reactions-then how would she, someone so used to being blatant and apparently having no tact, make up for what she'd wrought in being as such in her dealings with the girl? She could apologize, she supposed. However, she was having some trouble in thinking of how to do that. She was intelligent enough of a person to speak well for herself, but she wasn't too used to making apologies. She'd never really had to, as she minded her own business and if she had said something to anyone before about their wrongdoings, they'd merely accepted that she'd been right and spoken the truth. This was not to say she'd never apologized before-merely that she'd never had to apologize for something like this situation had caused-she had caused. She then decided that maybe words would come to her when they found the other girl, and decided that she'd best leave it at that, and let what words came to her, be spoken then.
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Post by Wolf on Mar 17, 2008 14:51:48 GMT -5
If it was possible the world seemed a whole lot darker when she finally lifted her head to peer around. She couldn't hear anything at all, and expected that Kaiya and Riler must've been going at it still further back, and the thought made her stomach turn. She leaned her head back up against the bark of the tree, her face tear-stained. She used her sleeve to wiped her cheeks, feeling absolutely ridiculous. She coughed a few times, heaving out air. Then she crossed her legs and waited, figuring that there was no point to go back to the Weyrling Barracks; though she really felt like talking to Hasima right now. The girl was a close friend of hers, and had stayed with her on the Hatching sands when she impressed. She tried to erase her thoughts of R'xis, but still couldn't manage to do so. Wolf rubbed the back of her head, looking this way and that. It was quite funny how different a person could feel after gushing like she had-almost like nothing had evem been wrong to begin with (though her subconscious knew that was a lie).
She dusted herself off, feeling guiltier every second when she realized that she had left Riler behind to defend the both of him. What a selfish thing to do! She smacked her forehead, growling in disbelief. "Stupid," she muttered to herself, stressed. Kaiya had appeared to her as heartless-for that moment-and she wasn't ashamed of leaving her behind. She pulled her knees in to her chest again, arms wrapping around them like before. 'He really told me how he feels tonight... didn't he?' she thought to herself, cheeks going a shade of red. She cursed herself for the feeling and shook her head back and forth, her bangs falling uncannily in to her eyes. 'How could he, I mean... It just--caring about me? It just doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense at all,' and now she figured it wouldn't matter whether or not it proceeded to make sense. Fact of the matter was that he had told her, and now that'd be the end of it. It didn’t do either one of them any good. Now all she was going to be was bothered by the thought that some one cared about her, and there affections would never be shown. Her and her brother were about to have a ton more in common.
(( Short. Ew. Not a lot to respond to. ))
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Post by Riler on Mar 17, 2008 19:37:19 GMT -5
Riler was pleasantly surprised to see how Kaiya was reacting to his prior statement. He couldn’t help but smile in a nearly humored fashion when she snapped at him about how much of an honest person she was. Well, she had surely proven that to him that night, if nothing else had been accomplished! Looking into her eyes, Riler couldn’t help but believe what she said. Either she was an extremely gifted liar, or she honestly meant what she said. He highly doubted it was the former of the two; she seemed too passionate when she had said it.
The reaction she gave to his…revealing…pleased Riler. No, he wasn’t sadistic. He never took pleasure in causing pain or harm to anything or anybody; this was not the reason why he was so pleasantly surprised to see that Kaiya was in such shock. He was pleased because she seemed to be taking his words to heart. Did she honestly not know how mean she was being? How insensitive? From the look on her face, from the wide-eyed stare that met Riler’s watchful gaze, it seemed like this was news to her, information that was new to her. It saddened Riler to even think that she could not know that kind of thing, how hurtful she was being to him and Wolf without knowing it. Was it possible that this was a one-time thing? Probably not. How many possible friendships could this issue have caused her? Could it be this kind of attitude of hers that was to blame for the reason she had never deeply cared for someone? It was quite possible, but Riler couldn’t judge that; he hardly knew the girl. Riler vowed then to talk to her some more, maybe even become friends. Yeah, he definitely liked that idea; to become friends, despite what had happened this night. He knew that if they both Impressed at the next Hatching, it was very likely they’d be in the same Wing. Riler dreaded the thought of being forced to be with someone he disliked. So why not get a jump on things and start beginning to become friendly with her? It seemed to make sense to him.
As she gave him an explanation, Riler realized that it was, indeed, some sort of apology. Though she was smiling in an odd manner—almost cynically, he mused thoughtfully—Riler silently accepted the apology. She, too, had made mistakes this night. She, too, was willing to admit to those mistakes and try to make up for the wrongs she had made. To Riler, there was nothing more that she could do than that.
“Hey, it’s alright,” he said comfortingly, “I know that you had mine and Wolf’s and the Weyr’s best interests in mind. Believe me when I say I know your heart is in the right place.” A smile began to tug on the corners of his lips. “No, you’re right. You shouldn’t have been forced to deal with this kind of situation. Someone older, more mature, of higher rank, should’ve been the one to take care of this issue; not you. In a few years time, I’d think you could possibly handle this subject very well. But not now,” he stressed. She was a skilled speaker, but if she just had the delicacy and had a better sense of diplomacy, she could have avoided distressing both Riler and Wolf. Other than that, however, she had been a convincing, helping speaker.
At the sound of her agreement, Riler gave a nod and turned away from Kaiya. How long had they been talking? The longer they talked meant the possibility that Wolf had managed to escape further and further away from them. But where could she have possibly run off to? ‘Shards,’ he swore to himself as he began walking, ‘why’d she have to run off like that?’ She had probably been under a lot of stress, under a lot of anxiety, but to simply just get up and leave…He had been somewhat disappointed. He felt abandoned.
He walked slowly, trying to listen for any sounds Wolf might be making—he tried to listen to the sounds of someone crying, which he was, as saddening as the thought was, expecting Wolf to be doing—but to no avail.
He began hissing, “Wolf!” every so often to try and attract her attention, if she was even there. Was it possible she went back to the Weyrling Barracks, to sleep this off? Maybe Riler had better just call off his search for her and find her tomorrow…
‘No,’ he thought privately to himself, ‘tonight. We need to talk; now.’
He didn’t argue with himself on the matter. It’d probably be better for the both of them if they simply got through this tonight, together.
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Post by kestrel on Mar 18, 2008 12:20:41 GMT -5
Kaiya could see why Wolf could have liked her fellow Candidate. He was quite mild-mannered and well-tempered, and seemed a nice person. She couldn't quite shake off her dislike of most males, but Riler was rather hard not to see as being a good person...at least besides his mistakes, but Kaiya could hardly say he wasn't a good person for making mistakes, as she'd just agreed mentally that everyone did, and it was the ones who realized and were willing to try and change to fix their mistakes that defined the good from teh not good. He seemed to be trying to reassure her, and though she thought she was plenty mature for her age, she had to agree she hadn't dealt with this situation as someone more ready to deal with it would have done. So, instead of taking insult she took to mind the fact that he'd said that in a couple of years he could see her being ready to deal with things like this. Maybe when she impressed, if she impressed, things would be different? Maybe her dragon would help her with some of her faults. She wasn't sure, but was wishing that she'd stayed in bed that night-she'd wanted a swim and now she wouldn't even get that accomplished. She had to admit, though, that perhaps tonight she had at least made a self-discovery...perhaps an important one that she might not have discovered otherwise.
She had had no idea that she came across as tactless or mean. How many other people thought of her that way? Were there others, too, that might have thought so but never voiced their thoughts? She chewed the inside of her cheek, brows furrowing as this new thought pervaded her mind. She had always been honest and up front, and maybe more than a little blunt. Did people potentially dislike her, maybe even think her mean, tactless and who knew what else, due to this? Riler's words had done more than sink in. They'd changed her perspective of herself as a person, and now she was frantically trying to remember if she'd dealt with others in such a manner before. Maybe they just hadn't the courage to do what Riler had done, and do more than admitting their mistakes. She held back a heavy sigh, trying to take comfort from the fact that she hadn't really known she seemed like that to others-but somehow in the back of her mind there was a nagging feeling of honesty to herself: ignorance was no excuse, not for her, not for anyone. She frowned, then, if only briefly before her face went back to neutral, and then said quietly and thoughtfully,
"I want to thank you for being honest with me about how I spoke to you and Wolf. No one has ever told me that I was...mean. Or tactless...when speaking to others." She paused, looking away from him for a moment, and then, "now I know, I suppose, and I will try to think before I speak from now on," she said, her tone resolved and more than a little sincere. And then, quickly, since this was new to her and she still felt ill at ease, "let's go find Wolf. I guess I have some words of better tact and less meanness to say to her...as well as an apology." But Riler had obviously been of the same mind, and so they both moved off to begin searching for the girl.
Kaiya wasn't sure where to look, but she didn't think Wolf would have gotten that far. She listened for anything that might give her an idea of where to find the girl, but it was the slight movement from behind a tree that caught her quick eyes. She could see fairly well by the light of stars and moon, and this time was no exception. She gently tapped Riler's arm, and then silently pointed to where the girl was sitting, though she could only see a bit of her since they were on the other side of the tree. She doubted the girl had even heard them approach, as Riler was likely trying not to be too loud, lest they were caught.
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Post by Wolf on Mar 18, 2008 13:29:32 GMT -5
She shivered, wishing the tree had concealed her from the winds harshness. Up on the wind she could hear a call, and she strained to listen-faintly hearing her name. She blinked in confusion, wondering if she'd just imagined it, perhaps her mind was playing tricks on her. That was the one thing that she hated about the dark, it made her feel vulnerable; and most often her eyes weren't seeing the real thing, but merely a figment of her imagination. Her eyes darted this way and that while she pressed her back up harder against the tree. The bark scratched at the bare skin on her lower back. She winced, reaching behind her to pull her shirt down.
While she too wanted to have things resolved tonight she was starting to feel, for certain, that they weren't looking for her. 'I should just get some rest while I still have time,' she thought. She wasn't tired, at all, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't be when morning swung around. She scratched the side of her hide, pondering deeply. She soon stopped thinking, legs stretching out straight out in front of her comfortably while both her hands found their way in to her lap. She was shifting positions a lot, since she hated it when any of her limbs fell asleep on her with out warning. Most often when that happened she'd then be banging her arm or leg up against something to shoo the feeling away; it sure was embarrassing when some one walked by and saw. She knew she appeared rather insane. She was getting more and more bored, and more and more freaked out just sitting here. She yawned, covering her mouth with a hand politely-not that any one was around to see whether or not she had done so. 'Maybe I should be the one looking for them,' she thought, wondering if she'd look silly when they did come up on her just sitting here. She got up, with much effort since she had been comfy after all, and came out from behind the tree. She was dusting herself off, not looking up and around to see if there was any one around her. So, therefore, you can imagine her surprise when she finally did look up and saw two sets of eyes staring in her general direction.
"Shards!" she shrieked, jumping back. "Just about made me wet myself," she said, smirking at how far from lady-like she was. She scanned Riler's face, able to see him just fine in the dark-and then looked over at Kaiya questioningly. 'So, is she coming to collect her second victim?' Wolf wondered, keeping her thoughts to herself. The girl didn't appear to have the same look that she had when she had been telling both Riler and her off. She looked calmer now, almost understanding...
'No, lets not go that far,' Wolf thought. The night was making her hyper once again, so therefore her smirk enlarged. "Sorry about that, you know how a nightly run makes people feel. I had to get rid of all that negative energy somehow, right?" She again scanned the faces of both the Candidates, hoping they'd find a place for her humour. She tapped a foot on the ground, too restless to be standing there and not moving in some way. She pushed all her disturbing thoughts to the closets of her mind trying to keep her mind open to everything else going on around her. "I would've gone for a swim but the risk of drowning, in my case anyhow, is far too great. Not a good swimmer, never was," she sighed; shaking her head back and forth. She was doing her best to strike up some kind of conversational topic that'd make things less awkward for every one. Perhaps her approach would make things awkward anyhow, since she was obviously avoiding the-the subject. She smiled a bit at Riler, hoping he'd understand why she had just taken off like she had. She had reached her breaking point, and when that happened 'look out!' your bound to have a runner. She blinked a couple of times before gently biting her lip, giving the puppy dog eyes to no one in particular.
"So, should we just cut the cute and get right down to it?" she asked. 'Nice going there, real smooth...' She gave a sheepish grin, wondering just how much worse she was making things. What she was hoping for was that every one would start laughing and they could all just skip off merrily and live happily ever after. She wanted to barf when thinking about that scene, 'when have I ever skipped?' she thought-snorting. Personally the whole idea of skipping couldn't be any more unnerving, honestly.
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Post by Riler on Mar 18, 2008 17:05:15 GMT -5
Before Riler began walking away, Kaiya voiced her thoughts yet again. He was a bit relieved to hear that she was thanking him for being somewhat harsh instead of scolding him. Part of Riler had felt like he had been a little mean, maybe excessively cruel, but she seemed to take it pretty well. Better than Riler had anticipated.
He smiled as she finished talking. “I try to be as honest as I can with people, especially when it comes to people.” Riler loved talking with people. People were fun. Every now and then, of course, he’d come across a not-so-fun person, and then he’d be given two generally options; make friends with them and see how things work out, or simply ignore them. Kaiya seemed like too friendly and caring of a person to just ignore. He grinned at her. “I’m glad to hear that, Kaiya, I really am.” And then they began to walk.
It wasn’t long until he felt a light tap on his arm. Riler whirled around to look at Kaiya, and saw that she was pointing at a tree. Riler squinted at it, and could just barely make out about half of Wolf’s figure. He was about to call out to her when she began to rise. She must’ve heard them as they approached, Riler thought to himself. This hypothesis was quickly struck down as Wolf turned to them and looked as if she was about to jump out of her skin. Aw well, maybe she didn’t see. As she began to talk, Riler was a little worried about how…‘well’ she seemed to be taking all of it. Riler tried to smile a little, but he really didn’t feel like smiling, for some reason. He began to dread the conversation that he was about to have with her, to tell her that they must, unfortunately—though for the better—wait.
As she finished up, Riler grimaced. “Yeah, let’s get right down to this…” He wanted to just get this over with, as quickly and painlessly as possible. He couldn’t believe that, in a single night—for whatever reason, it felt like ages ago—he would confess his affections that he felt for Wolf, and then must swear to her that they must suppress this affection. It was interesting how fate could so often twist ones life around. Riler wasn’t sure whether or not he believed in fate; he didn’t fancy the idea that something or somebody else had complete control over his life. Riler loved the feeling of being in control—not power-hungry or demanding, but enough to make his own decisions, at the very least.
“Kaiya and I talked…” He took a deep breath and took Wolf’s hands into his own. “Wolf, she’s right. We really need to think about what we’re doing. Think about how Serinth could be hurt by this?” He could feel Kaiya’s words coming out of his mouth as he gave the same speech she gave them both earlier. “You know that I care for you, but for the sake of us both, I think we need to hold off on pursuing anything together.” He bit his lip for a moment, pausing to think of how he should continue on talking. “I still want to be very, very good friends. Don’t you think otherwise for the life of me! But I agree with Kaiya in that we cannot have a relationship. In a few turns, when Serinth has developed, but until then…” He shook his head sadly. “All we can be is friends.” A shy smile spread across his lips. “But hey, that’s not a bad thing, is it? Right now, I could use all the friends I can get.” He gazed into her eyes—her beautiful eyes—and smiled, waiting to hear what she’d say back to him. He imagined how hard this must be for her, but for some reason, he felt like he couldn’t understand how she felt, right now.
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Post by Wolf on Mar 18, 2008 18:14:25 GMT -5
Wolf didn't say a single word while Riler spoke. She just let him finish, though she felt antsy and impatient. She didn't dare look over at Kaiya, betting the girl would have some-sort of smug grin on her face. This wasn't something that she wanted to talk about in front of her, who would? Its not as if she could pretend the girl wasn't standing right there, the moonlight shining on her hair so visibly. 'Kaiya and I talked about this?' she thought. 'Oh, so sure, Kaiya the guidance counsellor figures she's discovered what's best for us all so lets listen to her like a bunch of good young children. Kaiya, the mother of all beings, has spoken,' she thought bitterly. She kept her thoughts to herself, and when he took her hand in his she pulled away almost instantly.
She felt like saying: 'what's up with the whole handholding thing then? We're pretty much forgetting this night ever happened.' She nodded, choking down everything with a huge grin. "Sounds good to me, I mean gosh, I barely have any friends as it is,” she laughed. She put a hand on her hip, nodding her head slowly. Another thought of something to say popped in to her head: 'So is that going to have to mean that before Serinth rises we'll have to run around the Weyr like wherries with our heads cut-off in order to find Kaiya and get her permission?' Wolf once again kept her thoughts in her head, knowing that sometimes in her head her sarcasm helped her to inwardly vent. "So then, I vote that we get some rest, hm? Gosh, you two sure wouldn't know it but Weyrling lessons aren't exactly a walk in the park. Serinth, whom is my top priority," she began, giving a slight narrow-eyed gaze at Kaiya "will be questioning why I'm so tired in the morning. Goodness knows an explanation won't be the safest of things so, yeah; I vote not falling over dead in the morning. Sleep it is." Her grin turned to a quick smirk and she turned on her heel comically to walk off in the opposite direction.
And so she did, though she took her time about it. Her narrow-eyed gaze at Kaiya had been cold, and pretty much Wolf's eyes had said everything her mouth hadn't. She looked up at the sky, a frown lining her mouth. She didn't bother looking back; she just kept on walking. She began to count down how long it'd probably take for one of them to come and either a) tackle her down, or b) grab her arm and whirl her around to face them. She was thinking it wouldn't be Kaiya, unless she was developing romantic feelings for the Goldrider now too!
Admin's Note:[/hr] 'Gosh, maybe that's it' Wolf thought, her bitterness returning.
Truthfully, Wolf had agreed with everything Riler had said and also agreed with what Kaiya had so rudely told her. She loved Serinth, and tonight she just hadn’t been thinking clearly. She had allowed fear, frustration, and emotions to overrun her and keep her head from being screwed on straight. Well, now she knew what she had to do, and that was stick to the Gold dragonet and let every one else do there own thing… She had been right all along, emotions were hard to deal with, and most of the time things didn’t even turn out how you expected them too anyhow. She just couldn't deal with emotions right now, so to protect herself she had acted like she had back with the pair.
OOC| I was clearly hyper when I wrote this. xD Annnnnd felt like making a character be in a 'FUN' mood. Too much Maximum Ride for me.
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Post by kestrel on Mar 18, 2008 23:20:49 GMT -5
Kaiya listened quietly as Riler spoke to Wolf, admiring the way the other Candidate managed to address her so well, how he was dealing with the situation. She was in truth very glad that he'd understood that she'd meant neither Wolf nor him any ill-will...but she had seen first hand what had happened to Candidates and Weyrlings who went beyond friends and were willing to break rules that could affect the well-being of their dragons. The fact that Riler was showing he cared enough about Wolf to wait until Serinth was a turn or so older-for, in fact, dragons matured at two turns old, and rose shortly after. Wolf's Serinth looked like she was at least half a turn old, at least. Maybe even older? So the girl might have a turn and a bit to wait. And in the meantime, they could be good friends, and continue to build their knowledge of each other and their friendship. In a large way, that was like building a relationship-but more safely, with the dragon in mind. People would always like each other. That happened, to everyone, and to more than a few Candidates and Weyrlings. However, it was when it went past friendship and was taken past it by the Weyrlings or Candidates that it caused problems. She had to admit, though, it must have been tricky.
Throughout the short talk Riler and she had had, she had slowly but surely come to understand why Wolf could really like her fellow Candidate. He was quite soft-spoken, mature, and honest, from what she could tell. He also possessed logic, reasonableness, and did not seem at all hot-tempered, spiteful, or stubborn. In fact, he'd really respected her more than once this evening, in more than one way. One: by hearing her out, and actually listening to what she had to say and considering it seriously. Two: by being totally honest with her and helping her see her own shortcomings. And three: by giving her a chance despite her shortcomings, and even showing her kindness thereafter. Riler was really the type of person Kaiya knew she could come to value as a friend and respect. It was hard to come across friends like that these days...
Kaiya watched while he addressed Wolf, from the start to the finish of his short speech. So when she had thought he was presenting himself so well, thought maybe Wolf, too, had thought about what she'd said and taken some of it, at least, to heart...she was sorely mistaken, from what happened thereafter.
She had chosen to dismiss Wolf's odd behavior when they'd first came upon her. She seemed very sketchy, at best. First she'd started talking about 'getting away from negative emotions'. Then, she started going on about not knowing how to swim, and the, she said 'let's cut the cute and get to it'. Kaiya blinked slowly, confused by the way Wolf was acting.
It hadn't failed to make an impression-and not a good one-on Kaiya that Wolf had taken off on Riler, leaving him alone to 'deal with her'. It seemed immature to the girl, very immature-someone who was to be a future Weyrwoman should not simply run away from a problem. It was...childish. She thought that Weyrlings were supposed to be a bit more mature. But Riler was far more mature than Wolf was, it seemed to her. She couldn't even figure Wolf out at all! She seemed illogical and immature, flighty and not very down to earth whatsoever.
She had expected Wolf to be upset from what she'd said to her. So she'd been trying to think of a very tactful apology to make to the girl. However, all thoughts of an apology began to vanish with each of Wolf's next actions. First off, she instantly jerked her hand out of Riler's when the boy took it, and she couldn't fail to miss the entirely impassive yet impatient and almost irate look the girl had on his face while he spoke-like she was itching to say something back to him but decided not to. Secondly, when she did speak, it sounded full of sarcasm, bitterness and disdain. Well, that and a lot of self-pity, in saying she hardly had any friends. Kaiya was quite sure that, at least, was not the truth at all-she'd seen the girl with Akki, knew she had a brother in the Weyr, and also knew that no one seemed to dislike her. So in Kaiya's mind? Wolf was just being sarcastic and immature. Maybe she herself deserved that response, but Riler? He was being the mature one, and Wolf was just being childish, in her mind. As she continued speaking, Kaiya didn't miss the cold looks the girl was shooting in her direction. And when she said 'top priority', she held back a derisive snort, biting her tongue and nearly drawing blood in the reserve to at least keep her promise to try and think before she spoke to Riler. It wasn't easy, however. She didn't think Wolf cared about anything but the fact that Riler was being mature and she couldn't pursue her relationship with him. The girl was being spiteful, sarcastic and downright unreasonable, and Kaiya, try though she might, couldn't help but think once more that she had no clue why the gold had picked someone like this. Someone so stubborn they couldn't even admit what they'd just about done was the wrong thing. Instead, she just seemed upset because she wouldn't be with Riler until Serinth was ready. She didn't even know why Riler liked her at all. Riler seemed mature to her immature, down-to-earth where she seemed irrational, thoughtful and reasonable where she was stubborn, and kind where she was spiteful. The cold glares irritated her immensely, but she kept her face purely impassive. She had put her mind to apologize, but she had also said she wouldn't do so if she didn't mean it. Maybe it would have to wait, she was not about to apologize now that she was getting upset again.
Wolf had run off on Riler, gone off to cry about getting caught like some child. Now, she was behaving like a child again, shooting cold looks and glares, being totally sarcastic with not just her, but cold and sarcastic with Riler, too. Then, as if Kaiya's opinion of her could sink no lower, she turned on her heel and walked away from them, again. She was fuming inwardly, the girl was so immature she wanted to go after her and tell her exactly how she was behaving...but that, unfortunately, would be her just not thinking before speaking again, and she'd made a promise, even though not in so many words, that she wouldn't do that. Yes, honesty might have been her strongest point while being her biggest flaw. So, instead, she looked over at Riler, and said quietly,
"my apology will have to wait, because I don't feel so sorry right now," hoping he'd understand, and then with a wry smirk, "you're going to go after her, I assume?" Personally, she wished Riler would not, because Wolf's behavior had been one of rudeness to both of them, and because the respect she was building for him would have lessened a tad if he did so. The girl wanted to run off, be sarcastic without considering that Kaiya had also come to find her, without considering Riler's feelings and what it must have taken for him, too, to do this...was the only person she thought about herself? Did she even care about her dragon? Kaiya couldn't help but shooting a disgusted look at the figure who was, though rather slowly, getting further and further away. Then, she realized that it was a purposeful type of slowness, and she said, thinking it through carefully,
"even after that, it's obvious she expects you to go after her. She ought not take things so lightly..." she tried to word it tactfully-what she really wanted to say was 'are you really going to go after her after she behaved so immaturely and obviously is making a slow show of things so you will? I certainly wouldn't, and I don't think you ought to either right now. If she's going to be stubborn and refuse to deal with it maturely, you're wasting time until, or if, she is.' However, once again, she put tongue between teeth, and let it be at that.
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Post by Riler on Mar 19, 2008 20:42:07 GMT -5
Riler watched Wolf as she tried to play off the situation in a humorous way, making it seem like something that wasn’t really a big deal, like something that happened everyday. For some reason, Riler felt…hurt. It was as if Wolf was trying to downplay on the seriousness of it all. To Riler, it felt like she was making it seem less important; as if she was making him feel less important. He didn’t know whether or not she was doing this intentionally—she couldn’t! Could she?—yet the pain was still there. Angst, sorrow and alienation overcame Riler as he watched her sadly begin walking away from him.
She was…‘No, this is not Wolf. This is not my Wolf,’ Riler pleaded to himself. ‘My Wolf would know how to act responsibly in this situation.’ Wouldn’t she? Or…
Admin's Note:[/hr] It occurred to Riler that he really didn’t know that much about Wolf. Sure, they had talked for a long while, and they had become really great friends, but that didn’t mean he knew a lot about her. Did that mean his liking for her was irrational? No, it didn’t feel irrational. It felt so right. Or rather, it had, about five minutes ago. Right now, he didn’t know why he liked Wolf. Right now, she was acting like an immature, angry child. Sure, she was placed under a lot of stress tonight, but that excuse could only go so far! Couldn’t she understand that Kaiya, as rude as she had been, had Wolf’s best interests at heart? It was clear by the looks she had occasionally shot over towards Kaiya that Wolf didn’t understand this.
The feeling of betrayal was soon replaced by anger. It wasn’t by what Kaiya had said—Shards, Riler even agreed with her—but by how, again, for the second time tonight, she was trying to run away from her problems. When Kaiya asked if he was going after her, Riler looked at her with bewildered eyes. Did Wolf want him to follow her? Riler was greatly confused to hear her add that it was obvious that Wolf wanted him to follow her. He privately cursed the complexity of the female mind—‘Or maybe the simplicity of my own?’ The thought would’ve made him chuckle if he was in a mood for laughing—and its subtleness. “Please,” he said quietly to Kaiya, “give me a moment. She’s not like this, I swear…” He paused for a moment, thinking. “Actually, c’mon.” Riler grabbed Kaiya’s arm, squeezing it gently so that he wouldn’t harm her, and began to walk towards Wolf, dragging Kaiya along with him.
He marched up behind Wolf and tapped on her shoulder a couple times. “Wolf.” He didn’t sound happy or pleased. He didn’t sound angry or bitter. He sounded hurt. “Cut it out.” Part of him wanted to scream at her for being like this, and another part of him wanted to throw his arms around her, hold her tight, and promise that things would be alright. “Don’t you walk away from me again tonight until this is finished.” It wasn’t a suggestion, or a question; Riler was demanding it. “Listen, Wolf, you’re…gah, you’re not acting like yourself. You’re acting…childish!” He struggled to get the last word out; he didn’t want to add insult to injury, to Wolf. “Take this seriously, please! Do it for me! Shards, do it for yourself! This is a serious issue and you trying to pass it off lightly isn’t right. You might be putting off this discussion until later, by walking off, but it’ll come around at some point in time. I want to get it done as fast as possible!” His tone seemed authoritative. Riler didn’t want to seem like he was being mean, or bossy, but…Shards, this needed to get done. If he needed to raise his tone a bit to get this done, so be it!
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Post by Wolf on Mar 19, 2008 21:18:47 GMT -5
She had expected Riler to go after her, only because she knew it was the type of thing he'd do. Not because it was something she wanted him to do, but because she assumed that it was in him to do it. When he was tapping on her shoulder, she turned around, a frown replacing the fake smirk that had been there before. She listened to him, she really listened, and strained to stay... sober. She strained to just pay attention, and focus, and understand. When he spoke its as if his voice was fading in and out, as if none of this was really happening-but by Faranth it was. She put a hand on her forehead, feeling a killer migraine set in. She then took it off, meeting his-hurt was it?-gaze.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, squeaking it out. She looked over at Kaiya with an almost apologetic frown, her eyes glazed over with a hurt all her own. She rubbed her arm, looking from one Candidate to the other. When he had called her childish that really hit home. 'Only because they don't flippin' know how it is!' she thought. She swallowed down her hatred for what was going on, and just about everything else. She just remained looking in to Riler's face, appearing both pale and lifeless. Again she looked at Kaiya, the same apology written all over her face meanwhile the girl hadn't done any apologizing to she. She kept all negative thoughts wayward, there was never a place for them most times in her head. She looked down at her feet, the pressure too great. She felt like she was on trial and the judge had already set out her fate before she'd even stepped up to the stand.
She didn't want to feel like a helpless person so she forced herself, with all her might, to speak up. "I understand, it makes sense that we wait,” she said. She bit her tongue hard in her mouth before continuing to speak, "for Serinth's sake. I made a huge mistake tonight..." she said, half under her breath. 'And it won't happen again,' she thought, her body shaking both with the cold and due to her nerves. She couldn't just think about herself, and she hadn't been, she knew that it was hard for Riler too and goodness knows Kaiya hadn't wanted to come up on this! She turned to Kaiya; using what courage she had left. 'Heck, I've got plenty of courage' she said-needing a bit of humour in the storm.
"I'm sorry," she said, knowing her glances wouldn't be enough. "I know that you were only expecting to come out for a walk tonight... like I had been. You shouldn't have had to deal with this," she nodded. She bet the girl still hated her anyways. 'The world will right itself. Not every one can like me-though right about now I bet no one would.' She still felt, even though it was more then likely all through her imagination, that their gazes were boring down on her and producing a mass amount of heat. She felt as if she was being ridiculed, thought nastily of (though she knew better of Riler for this not to be true), and disliked when 'no one knows the darn truth.' She heaved a sigh, its not like she'd ever say anything anyhow. She hadn't before and she wasn't about to start. She pushed her bangs out of her eyes, feeling more stressed when she couldn't see. She awaited the responses of both of them, assuming the worst so that it'd hurt far less if the worst did happen to come. She couldn’t even stress how sorry she was, she honestly meant it, and even the daftest of people could see that. She focused on the regulation of her breathing, hating panic attacks. She stood up straight, also hating to appear weak-‘I guess it’s too late for that, huh?’
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Post by kestrel on Mar 19, 2008 22:32:14 GMT -5
Kaiya could see from Riler's expression that he wasn't pleased with the way Wolf had reacted either. However, he didn't look angry, he looked hurt. Well, she realized she wasn't so surprised that he would be hurt rather than angry-he did, after all, like Wolf-regardless that she herself couldn't, at this point, see why. He had his reasons, and she could at least respect that. When he spoke again, it was to ask her to give him a moment. Well, that she could most certainly do. Regardless of anything she thought she didn't honestly expect that he'd just up and let Wolf walk off, leaving things like this. However, just as she was about to make her reply, to tell him that she didn't mind, she'd wait here until he was done-she never got the chance. Because in the next moment, he had taken her arm-gently but applying enough pressure to drag him along with him-and with the words 'actually c'mon' she was being dragged along with him after the departed Wolf. She had almost let out a small 'yelp' of surprise when he'd so suddenly seemed to have changed his mind and grabbed her arm, but her breath was caught in her throat and nothing came out. She allowed herself to be dragged along, too caught off guard to have done anything else. She couldn't imagine what he'd had in mind, didn't know why she was being taken along when only moments before he'd requested a 'moment'. She didn't have much time to think on it, either, because in the next few seconds they had caught up to Wolf, and Riler had tapped her on the shoulder and began addressing her. Kaiya could only stand there, feeling out of place all of a sudden, and looking on in rather open curiosity.
She could hear from his voice that he was hurt, and was once again amazed by his forthcoming and yet open words. He spoke his feelings while trying to remain careful of Wolf's, and he almost sounded as if he had faltered before calling her childish. Kaiya admired that he had something she did not: tact. A thought for others feelings before he spoke. Was this why he was so able to see that she seemed to not have? Well, if he had tact, and yet honesty, perhaps it was more easily done than she could currently imagine. For her, tact and honesty were things that were difficult to do hand in hand. She spoke truth. Blunt truths, often cutting right to the point without ever bothering to think of what she said before she said it. Well, there were lessons to be learned for all of them tonight, it seemed. She found herself more curious, however, by the look on Wolf's face as Riler spoke.
For a moment Kaiya thought she was trying to ignore Riler, as her expression was almost 'spaced out'. However, narrowing her eyes and trying to think more objectively, she began to see that Wolf looked like she was actually wanting to space out, but trying hard not to. She looked like someone trying very hard to concentrate on something when it's not easy for them to do so. She frowned slightly, not quite sure what was going through the other girl's mind-was she going to blow them off like before? Or was she honestly thinking about what Riler was saying? Well, the question answered itself soon enough, as Wolf's first words were 'I'm sorry'. Of course, this was directed at Riler. Kaiya wasn't really expecting Wolf to say anything to her-her earlier looks had spoken in volumes about what she thought of Kaiya's 'meddling'. So, when Wolf's gaze turned to her next, with what Kaiya couldn't mistake for anything but an unspoken apology?
Kaiya began to feel a bit less upset about her earlier reactions. She began to feel as if, once again, she was judging too quickly and thinking into someone too much just based upon her first impressions of them. She hadn't a clue about who Wolf was, what she was like. She put so much stock into first impressions and the way a person acted that she hadn't even given the girl much of a chance. She met the girl's look solemnly, without any of the coolness of before, just an open look that didn't give much away, but wasn't unkindly. It was an accepting look, really, and a considering one-thoughtful and serene.
When Wolf actually began to speak again, it sounded a bit strained, as if she were trying to make the words come out-but it didn't sound like she was being dishonest with what she said. Kaiya could see that though it seemed to be hard for her to speak, she was doing it nonetheless. Well, that was something she could respect, at least. So, Wolf would wait, then; and Riler would wait as well. Now that they had both conceded to do so, Kaiya felt a sense of relief flood through her. She didn't doubt that it would be difficult for them-even if she couldn't understand the endangering of one's dragon to have a relationship that you only had to wait a turn or so to pursue, while remaining good friends...she could understand that feelings were supposedly strong, and that it could be hard to do the right thing. Well, they were doing the right thing, she had no doubts about that.
She had expected the apologetic looks to be all that Wolf gave her by way of addressing for the rest of the night. So, when the girl turned again to her, she was a bit taken aback. Nevertheless, it was the words that came from Wolf's mouth next that really took her by surprise. An apology? To her? Well, that was so unexpected that she couldn't help but stare a little in wonder at how quickly Wolf's tune had suddenly changed. She hadn't expected an apology, nor did she feel that one was warranted. Wolf hadn't exactly done anything to her. It was only herself, her dragon, and Riler that she had done anything against this night. Kaiya had just happened to be the unfortunate passerby who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and not for the first time that night she wished she'd just stayed in the barracks. Yes, it had been hot and stuffy in there, and yes, she had wanted a swim. However, she'd not gotten that swim, and she'd have rather stayed hot and stuffy than having to deal with all this. She actually reddened a little when Wolf apologized to her. She didn't exactly deserve an apology, and she had been coming to apologize herself before the last little bout of speech before Wolf walked away from them. Well, she had told Riler the apology would have to wait, because she had suddenly not felt like she wanted to apologize. Well, any doubts about whether or not she wanted to apologize seemed to be obsolete now that Wolf was trying to make her own amends for her actions only a couple of minutes before.
Kaiya had amends of her own to make to the Weyrling, and she knew that now she could be sincere about them, and so, without hesitation,
"No...it's not you who has to be sorry. I mean, of course you should be sorry for what might have happened-and perhaps to Riler because I think this is just as hard for him as it is for you..." she paused briefly, for emphasis, perhaps, before going on, "you don't have to apologize to me, though. I had actually planned on making an apology of my own. I...I lack tact and in my way of trying to help I unintentionally did as much harm as help. I said things I ought not to, and without knowing you or even Riler," she glanced over at the boy and then back to Wolf, "at all. We've only just met, and already I was judging you two based on simply tonights misdemeanors." She took a deep breath, realizing that she had a lot to learn about making apologies, and then continued with a wry smile, "I am not perfect-I make mistakes too. Honestly I didn't want to have to have seen or heard what I did. I would rather I had not have. I lose myself too easily in what is supposedly right and wrong. However, I don't bother to remember that among black and white, there are many shades of gray." She did smile, then, and said gratefully, "however, I have learned from my mistakes, too-and as I promised Riler I will try in the future to try and show more tact and more kindness when speaking to others." It was her turn to stare at her feet, now, reddening more noticeably now as she said more quietly, "I should not have questioned why you impressed. It was rude, and mean, and I don't know you so why should I know why you did? I...am sorry if I hurt your feelings in my thoughtlessness." She grew very quiet then, for some reason having a hard time looking the girl in the face just then. That was the most apologizing she'd ever done in one day-or even a sevenday, or more.
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Post by Riler on Mar 20, 2008 23:06:31 GMT -5
The blank, concentrating look on Wolf’s face as Riler talked confused him greatly. This expression could mean that she was actually paying attention to him, now, actually listening to him now that he was being more aggressive. However, it could also mean that whatever Riler was saying was going in one ear and out the other; she might have not been paying attention to him at all. The thought of even that being a possibility broke Riler’s heart, which quite possibly added to his own expression of pain and hurt. If she wasn’t paying attention, Riler swore to himself, he’d storm out on her right now; if she didn’t care about him, then he wouldn’t care about her.
These thoughts were unnecessary, Riler soon found out, as her first words were an apology. Relief flooded through Riler, the worry seeping out of him, and the joy returning to his heart. She had listened! He noticed that her look seemed apologetic as she looked back and forth between Riler and Kaiya, silent for a few moments as she seemed to be thinking of what to say to either of them next. Or she was just stalling; Riler couldn’t tell what was going on in her head. Again, Riler was relieved by what she said next. She admitted that she, too, made a mistake. They both had. They all had. They weren’t perfect creatures. He smiled a bit at the thought.
And then what Riler had wanted to happen, happened. He was absolutely ecstatic, but he did his best to hide his enthusiasm as both of the girls apologized to each other. As Riler had considered going over to Wolf alone as she stalked off before, to comfort her or yell at her—he hadn’t got that far in the thinking process—he got the idea that maybe he could make it so that they wouldn’t end up disliking each other. He had realized that, if he wanted to be the friends of both of them, it’d be a lot easier if they were friends; or at least on friendly terms with each other. Bringing Kaiya over to Wolf with him, Riler thought that if he could talk some sense into her, she might realize how silly they had been, and might try to amend her mistakes of being so childish earlier. If she apologized to Kaiya, Riler assumed that Kaiya would do the same to Wolf, for Wolf’s maturity would’ve seemed much improved. Was it a little devious to try to get them to apologize to each other, to try and make them come to friendly terms? Maybe just a little, Riler thought, but was it wrong to try and get two people to like each other? He didn’t think so. Not in this case, anyways. Riler grinned, looking back and forth between the two girls.
Then came the question of what they should do next? And also, what would Kaiya do now? He didn’t want to seem like he was being pushy on the subject of her not telling the Weyrwoman. But now that he considered it, wouldn’t it be a smart move to tell her? Or maybe the Weyrling or Candidate Master? Both? That way, if something, for whatever reason, did happen to start up between Riler and Wolf again—Riler was positive it wouldn’t happen, he wouldn’t break a promise like that, but it was always safe to cover your angles—somebody could act on it. Suddenly, the prospect of telling somebody in charge didn’t seem like such a terrible idea. Riler would personally prefer to not let anyone else know about this, but he knew that it might have to come down to that. Voicing his concern, Riler asked, primarily to Kaiya, “Now what are we going to do, now that this is settled?” He crossed his arms at his chest, looking at Kaiya dubiously, obviously implying the question of, ‘What are you going to do to us now?’
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