Post by kestrel on Aug 28, 2008 22:11:40 GMT -5
*We can not stay here forever, J'redmine.*
The bronze dragon's mental voice cut into his rider's thoughts, though if he heard at first he did not give any indication. For the past sevenday, he had been here, living in one of the many caves that were along the shorelines of the wide coastal beach. He had spent much of that time simply gathering food, cooking food, thinking. Sometimes he slept during the day, preferring that to his own sullen thoughts. He was behaving almost childishly, and he knew it. Knew it and did not like it.
A full sevenday had passed since the flight of the Queen of Dark Moon Weyr. The flight that he had, though unintentionally, set himself up to win. However, an accidental movement on the part of the Weyrwoman's gold had resulted in not only J'red's Hikanth losing the flight-a total stranger had taken Christae and bedded her that same day. For some reason, this thought made the normally calm and down to earth bronzerider's stomach turn. Felt like someone was prodding him with a knife and twisting it. He couldn't have fathomed until now how much he'd actually grown to care for and like the Weyrwoman Christae of Dark Moon Weyr. It was almost sadly pathetic, even, that he should have run away-or flown away-from his Weyr, where he was one of only a few bronzeriders, and likely needed at least in some aspect, just because he had lost a flight.
*You had grown to love her. I do not think it silly.*
Once more, Hikanth's mental voice cut into his thoughts. Perhaps he was being selfish. He still had his dragon, the one he was closer to than anything else on or in Pern. He was making Hikanth stay outside like some wild beast, rather than in the comfort of their own Weyr back at Dark Moon. Perhaps they should go back to their old Weyr. Maybe no one would even notice. Then again, wasn't that just another foolish, self-pitying thought? Hikanth's feelings of support and sympathy flooded through him, and he finally sat up, from where he'd been lying on the warm, sandy beach, and watching clouds and seabirds fly overhead.
"I'm sorry, Hikanth. I just can't bring myself to go back there yet. I feel as though I'm behaving like a selfish child who has lost some prescious possession-though she was never really mine to begin with..." He paused, and Hikanth was silent, knowing that his rider meant to say more, and then, "I know you know how I feel about Christae-no, the Weyrwoman. I should be happy for her, having found someone to lighten her load. Yet all I can feel is this horrid sense of loss, and I am so ill used to feeling this that I can't even deal with it rationally, as I should. I transferred to Dark Moon to start a new life where I felt needed. I did not, however, expect that I would fall for the Weyrwoman, of all people." He sighed heavily, picking up a random stone and throwing it into the ocean.
*It was not your fault. These things happen, mine.*
J'red nodded, and then replied, almost bitterly, "yes, they happen. However, they have happened and I can't say I'm the better for them, in any aspect. I have dragged you out here with me, and I know that you would rather be in a Weyr. Part of me would, too. It's just-"
*I do not mind,* Hikanth cut him off. *I am with you, and if this is what you need, I am happy to stay here as long as you wish.*
J'red smiled halfheartedly at his dragon, scratching the massive bronze's eyeridge and sighing again, admitting, "for now, I think being here is what I need. But you were right-I can't simply stay here forever. Even if no one has noticed I am gone-which someone is bound to have-it will not look good on me, I suppose, that I have left without informing anyone. At least I should have informed Chr-the Weyrwoman. That is my duty to let her know where I have gone." He left the last bit unspoken, thankful that his bronze knew and he didn't have to finish it.
The Weyrwoman was the last person he wanted to see right now-well, last would have been the 'new Weyrleader'. Which he also felt wrong about. For some reason, he felt betrayed, almost. Like Christae had let a total stranger into her bed. But that's what happened in flights. He was more than old enough to know that. He was just bitter, and hurt. He couldn't really deal with thoughts of the Weyrwoman with another man. He'd never felt this way before-not ever. It was like admitting to some large weakness he had not known he had until now. Would this feeling go away? Could he function again in Dark Moon as he had before, seeing and dealing with the Weyrwoman and whomever it was that had won the flight in a normal manner? The truth was: he didn't know.
"Hikanth...if we transferred again, do you think anyone would think less of us?" The question was already answered in his own mind, and he knew that Hikanth knew, but the bronze answered solemnly, *we are needed in Dark Moon. If we transferred we would not be thought less of. However, we would not have fulfilled our purpose for coming here. We are still needed, and did you not want to be where you are needed?* J'red wasn't certain he was needed. However, since he believed that Thread was coming back in the near future, the truth was that he would be needed. He might even be called on to lead a wing. How many bronzes did Dark Moon have before that man who had won the flight had shown up? Three? Maybe four? That wasn't enough, was it? Probably not. Besides, Hikanth was a valuable asset to any Weyr. Not only was he larger than any Bronze that J'red had ever seen, but his flight abilities were quite well-spoken of. In threadfall, his dragon would be needed...and so was he.
Even though he knew all this, he would not go back just yet. He wondered if Christae had ever even felt anything for him in return. There had been shared glances, the dances at the Gather...but was he reading too much into any of that? He'd tried to court her even before the flight had happened-had she even noted that? He wasn't sure of anything anymore. If she had been aware, how could what have happened, happened? He didn't know-but it was unreasonable to blame Kaith, or Christae. The victor had won by an accidental crashing into the other's dragon. It wasn't even as if Kaith herself had purposely chosen the other's dragon over Hikanth. Hikanth, he knew, agreed, and the big bronze didn't blame Kaith either...question was: what now?
The bronze dragon's mental voice cut into his rider's thoughts, though if he heard at first he did not give any indication. For the past sevenday, he had been here, living in one of the many caves that were along the shorelines of the wide coastal beach. He had spent much of that time simply gathering food, cooking food, thinking. Sometimes he slept during the day, preferring that to his own sullen thoughts. He was behaving almost childishly, and he knew it. Knew it and did not like it.
A full sevenday had passed since the flight of the Queen of Dark Moon Weyr. The flight that he had, though unintentionally, set himself up to win. However, an accidental movement on the part of the Weyrwoman's gold had resulted in not only J'red's Hikanth losing the flight-a total stranger had taken Christae and bedded her that same day. For some reason, this thought made the normally calm and down to earth bronzerider's stomach turn. Felt like someone was prodding him with a knife and twisting it. He couldn't have fathomed until now how much he'd actually grown to care for and like the Weyrwoman Christae of Dark Moon Weyr. It was almost sadly pathetic, even, that he should have run away-or flown away-from his Weyr, where he was one of only a few bronzeriders, and likely needed at least in some aspect, just because he had lost a flight.
*You had grown to love her. I do not think it silly.*
Once more, Hikanth's mental voice cut into his thoughts. Perhaps he was being selfish. He still had his dragon, the one he was closer to than anything else on or in Pern. He was making Hikanth stay outside like some wild beast, rather than in the comfort of their own Weyr back at Dark Moon. Perhaps they should go back to their old Weyr. Maybe no one would even notice. Then again, wasn't that just another foolish, self-pitying thought? Hikanth's feelings of support and sympathy flooded through him, and he finally sat up, from where he'd been lying on the warm, sandy beach, and watching clouds and seabirds fly overhead.
"I'm sorry, Hikanth. I just can't bring myself to go back there yet. I feel as though I'm behaving like a selfish child who has lost some prescious possession-though she was never really mine to begin with..." He paused, and Hikanth was silent, knowing that his rider meant to say more, and then, "I know you know how I feel about Christae-no, the Weyrwoman. I should be happy for her, having found someone to lighten her load. Yet all I can feel is this horrid sense of loss, and I am so ill used to feeling this that I can't even deal with it rationally, as I should. I transferred to Dark Moon to start a new life where I felt needed. I did not, however, expect that I would fall for the Weyrwoman, of all people." He sighed heavily, picking up a random stone and throwing it into the ocean.
*It was not your fault. These things happen, mine.*
J'red nodded, and then replied, almost bitterly, "yes, they happen. However, they have happened and I can't say I'm the better for them, in any aspect. I have dragged you out here with me, and I know that you would rather be in a Weyr. Part of me would, too. It's just-"
*I do not mind,* Hikanth cut him off. *I am with you, and if this is what you need, I am happy to stay here as long as you wish.*
J'red smiled halfheartedly at his dragon, scratching the massive bronze's eyeridge and sighing again, admitting, "for now, I think being here is what I need. But you were right-I can't simply stay here forever. Even if no one has noticed I am gone-which someone is bound to have-it will not look good on me, I suppose, that I have left without informing anyone. At least I should have informed Chr-the Weyrwoman. That is my duty to let her know where I have gone." He left the last bit unspoken, thankful that his bronze knew and he didn't have to finish it.
The Weyrwoman was the last person he wanted to see right now-well, last would have been the 'new Weyrleader'. Which he also felt wrong about. For some reason, he felt betrayed, almost. Like Christae had let a total stranger into her bed. But that's what happened in flights. He was more than old enough to know that. He was just bitter, and hurt. He couldn't really deal with thoughts of the Weyrwoman with another man. He'd never felt this way before-not ever. It was like admitting to some large weakness he had not known he had until now. Would this feeling go away? Could he function again in Dark Moon as he had before, seeing and dealing with the Weyrwoman and whomever it was that had won the flight in a normal manner? The truth was: he didn't know.
"Hikanth...if we transferred again, do you think anyone would think less of us?" The question was already answered in his own mind, and he knew that Hikanth knew, but the bronze answered solemnly, *we are needed in Dark Moon. If we transferred we would not be thought less of. However, we would not have fulfilled our purpose for coming here. We are still needed, and did you not want to be where you are needed?* J'red wasn't certain he was needed. However, since he believed that Thread was coming back in the near future, the truth was that he would be needed. He might even be called on to lead a wing. How many bronzes did Dark Moon have before that man who had won the flight had shown up? Three? Maybe four? That wasn't enough, was it? Probably not. Besides, Hikanth was a valuable asset to any Weyr. Not only was he larger than any Bronze that J'red had ever seen, but his flight abilities were quite well-spoken of. In threadfall, his dragon would be needed...and so was he.
Even though he knew all this, he would not go back just yet. He wondered if Christae had ever even felt anything for him in return. There had been shared glances, the dances at the Gather...but was he reading too much into any of that? He'd tried to court her even before the flight had happened-had she even noted that? He wasn't sure of anything anymore. If she had been aware, how could what have happened, happened? He didn't know-but it was unreasonable to blame Kaith, or Christae. The victor had won by an accidental crashing into the other's dragon. It wasn't even as if Kaith herself had purposely chosen the other's dragon over Hikanth. Hikanth, he knew, agreed, and the big bronze didn't blame Kaith either...question was: what now?