A Clash of Gold and Bronze

[panther]

She gave a regretful smile, then it grew as he shifted the topic from the list, to his impression of Aldesk.
“Similar to mine, but I wasn’t drunk, Ez and I snuck in to see a wher hatching, the goldling hatched, and came at me – for I’d cut myself earlier that day, Danask drew nearly all of my blood from me, placing me under intensive healer care for a few days, when I woke up, it was for the concern, and to an immediate apology. But none of it was voiced to me. I really didn’t know what was going on.” She grinned as she reminisced.

Her smile remained as Alder talked of his list of enjoyable things to do. The first list were safe, regular enjoyable things, then his finger began to trace lines up and down her arm. She pouted cutely, and winced away like she was stung for it had began to tickle. “Stop it Alder.” She said, in a really half arsed way, smiling on the verge of giggling like a young girl she was highly ticklish at the best of times. Light motions couldn’t be given to her.

“I find it odd how you can experience pleasure from both such simple acts, against the list of incredibly more carnal ones there.” She pointed out, “But honestly? Having had Danask in a few Runs now, I can’t honestly say I find much that appealing about sharing a Cot with a man,” She shook her head, “I don’t believe it is all it is made out to be.” She shrugged noncommittally. “Though, some of your other ideas sound like they could be entertaining to say the very least. Or relaxing, rather. I could do with a hobby or such to keep me actively avoiding work a little.” she smiled. And despite his advances, subtle as they were – likely too subtle for the queen handler – she didn’t shy from him. She was more than able to take care of herself, even in the company of a brassy bronze handler.

[Xennai]

He smirked, lips curling to one side of his face. "Mmm, well, that sounds certainly much more dramatic than my own story of the bloodpact. I was just wasted and happened to stumble into an amazing bit of luck. Or maybe it was fate. I don't think it really matters. All I know is it's one of the best things that ever happened to me."

Lips curled into a soft smile. Although it was just a slight curving of his mouth, there was an edge of the predatory to it. An edge of a hunter looking at his prey, though he would never think of Danae like that. Others had described him as such, but he didn't think of himself as so. He was merely a conossieur of females. Head tilted and he shrugged, finger still moving up and down her arm. Light and soft. "Why? It's not hurting you, right? And it's not me coming on to you." Not really, he amended to himself. "So I don't see a problem with it. But," he heaved a sigh, hand moving from her arm, "if you say so, my Queen."

Brow folded down, his eyes turning slightly troubled and contemplative. He listened to what she said, slowly feeling out the words in his mind. It didn't click. His head shook slowly from one side and then the other. "Danae..." His head shook again and he leaned forward, face only a few inches from hers, but he definitely didn't think about personal space. "Danae, are you trying to tell me you haven't been with a man in those terms outside of a Run?"

He leaned back abruptly, running a hand over his face. He laughed dryly, shocked, eyes peering over his fingers at the woman in front of him. "Yes, yes," he muttered. "They're very nice. They're some of my favorite things to do but I didn't tell you that." His hand fell from his face as he moved closer, peering at her with suspicious eyes. "Danae...you haven't actually been with a man outside of the urgings from your wher, have you?"

[panther]

Here eyes narrowed, her brow wrinkled as she beheld him with suspicion. Suddenly this obedience? Sure he’d show inklings of it prior to this, but, not quite to this extent. He virtually bowed to her. “You know, Alder, I’m Danae now, I’m not your queen, I just happen to handle a queen wher, respect should be shown, aye, but this is not the place for regard to my rank.” She shook her head. She felt as though everyone treated her differently than they would if she were not the impressor of a golden wher. “And it’s not that it hurts, it just tickles.” She explained, averting her eyes in a small effort to hide the affects of her blush. She took another good, long draught of wine, finishing off her glass. She looked unhappy about this fact. The wine was gone! Well shards to that. She pushed the glass away in disgust. Her embarrassment gone.

Well, at least it had been. But, Alder’s carefully broached topic made her face red as a beet.”Well scorch it…” she mumbled to herself. She looked over at Alder, who was suddenly closer than before, but she didn’t push him away. “Well I’ve … kissed men outside of Runs… and I’ve… done… things. But I’ve not been… the whole way, outside of a run.” She explained, eyes averting from his, there was no way – even drunk – she could tell him those and watch his reaction. For a regular holder girl, having not gone far with a man, would have been fine, appropriate and respectable. But, as a Wher handler, it was different. She was almost expected to try before she purchased anything. But then her budget was meagre – that was true.

Even as he laughed dryly, and broached the subject of her other query, she couldn’t look at him, feeling like her face was hotter than any hatching sands in Pern right about now. Why would she tell him? Alder? Of all people. Ah, but then. She hadn’t told him. He had guessed. That was a different matter entirely. She smirked a little at the thought, the way simple explanations do to those who are slightly tipsy. Or more so.

“So what? It’s not irregular for girls not to go sleeping around you know Alder, I may be over the age of twenty, but I’m not of an old Age, and you forget, I’ve been bound for 7 turns now. All seven of those have had Runs, usually two a turn – though I skipped the last one” Point idly added by an easily distracted mind, “ – and well, that’s enough experience for any girl, my age or older.” She said determinedly, “Most holderwomen intercourse with one man, and have it be. So I am not precisely naïve.” She still couldn’t face him, even when she explained herself. Because she knew these were trivial, Runs, Risings. The effects of your self in those was not really the same as selecting to share your Cot. But, she had no desire to do that! So why should she? Thus, what was to be embarrassed about?

Yet, somehow she very much was.

[Xennai]

A brow lifted and he sighed, nodding his dark head, listening with a slight smile on his mouth as she explained about rank. "Well, shard it, Danae. Tell me what you want then. Earlier, you were angry because I wasn't respecting your rank and now you're saying you're just simple Danae and I shouldn't take the rank attached to Danask into account. What do you want then?" He wasn't angry. His voice was soft and rational. He honestly wanted to know what she wanted from him. Either she was just Danae or she was the Queen handler. He could try for both, but it would be hard. He'd rather he didn't have to try.

When Alder saw Danae's glass was empty, and her disgust for the situation, he pushed his own glass into her hand, though he rather doubted she'd take it. She was a tough one, Danae was. He figured she'd need it though, because he was one hundred percent sure that his theory was right.

And she confirmed it.

Alder listened, struggling not to show emotion, not when he was blowing through several of them within the space of just a few moments. There was satisfaction for figuring it out, confusion, exasperation, sympathy and amusement. He waited for her to finish her rambling, sitting contentedly, awaiting his turn. He nodded a few times, agreeing with several of the points she brought up. It made sense, even if she were drunk, but that was beside the point. There was something huge going on here.

"You've made sense, Danae," the bronze handler murmured, echoing his thoughts. "But, we are a wher hold and not a hold. We're much like a weyr, but things are different. We're the outcasts of society but we have our place here. We incorporate both theories into our lives." He debated for a moment and then reached out, turning her face to his with the movement of a finger under her chin. Green eyes captured at amber and he leaned forward, radiating warmth and understanding. He wasn't disgusted with her and wasn't quite sure why she was embarrassed. Sex was a very natural thing. It made discusing it natural as well.

"It's no wonder why you don't understand why enjoy such carnal things, as you put it. Sex is a very natural and fantastic release. Afterwards...you're loose and happy and you just feel...amazing. When done right." Lips quirked, a soft laugh escaping before he went on. "It's no wonder why you don't understand why I think it's a great way to relax. When you don't have a wher involved...You have to build that heat, that tension, yourself. You have to create it out of a look, a touch, a feeling of chemistry that can't be ignored. After all of that...when you get that release, it's absolutely incredible."

Alder cupped Danae's chin, watching her, just watching her. "Poor darling," he murmured softly. "You've only experienced sex through a Run and that's practically rape." He frowned, thumb rubbing across her cheek, soft and soothing. "You haven't experienced it when it's all soft and lovely and you can just feel the emotions saturating the air. You haven't had giving...and soft...and loving, even if that actual feeling isn't attached."

Alder sighed softly, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead, both hands cupping her cheeks, green eyes meeting hers with intensity. "Danae...I can give you that. I can offer it to you, but you have to take it, to want it. I'm not going to hurt you or...take it if you don't want me to. You have to want it, sweetheart. It can be amazing. When done right." He nodded, pulling back, hands falling from her face to rest against his thighs. He was staggered that he'd done this, that he'd offered to physically love a woman without seducing her first. But how could he not? It was heartbreaking that a woman hadn't experienced sex as it should be.

[Shekru]

Mine wants to know if Yours needs her? Aldesk's is looking nosy. Fygwesk's voice gentle eased into Danask's thoughts. Apologetic, warm.

Fyg's sight was pinned on the goings on, and though she had not moved in any significant ways, she was more than poised to move /through/ the window if need be. Lucky for her, it was open.

[panther]

She groaned, she hated having this debate with people . Her rank was superfluous to who she was. She wanted who she was to be the foremost, and her rank to not transcend that fact. “I hate having to explain this.” She exhaled through her nose, “What I want is, for you to see me as a friend, someone yo can talk to, but, the final call on anything Wher related or that impacts the Handler’s here – is mine. Generally I won’t interfere with what ever you say or do, but, I don’t want respect slung around like that. To me? Respect is a subtle thing. Show it where necessary, and a situation like this? It’s not necessary.” Two questions were posed, and two were answered byt herself. She hoped that with those, she answered his question. “Danask is my bonded, but, I don’t wish to be known for my rank.” Her thoughts saddened a little, wondering why it was so difficult for people to see this. “Is it impossible to be bonded and yet noted for who you are? Not what you handle?” her tone was sad, melancholy, almost kind of lonely. For she was, lonely – that was. She was left mainly on her own before the arrival of these pair of handlers. She pouted slightly, side affect of a mild internal sulk. But the drunkenness allowed this to slip into her posture a little, she curled her shoulders in on her body.

But then, Alder broached that other topic. The topic of sex, and lovings. He cringed slightly. She really had no desire to talk with Alder about his, or indeed her own sex life, sure she found him intriguing, and generally quite interesting, but the inner workings of his cot were not something she really wanted to put her mind to. Especially now when she was lacking both self control and the ability to reign in her imagination. And his pity was just the icing on the cake. A deep fire burned inside her somewhere, bustling to a roar of anger as his pity lapsed onto her. She met his eyes, anger showing through.

“You think I need your pity? Honestly?” She said, her tone mildly incredulous. “Runs are Runs. “ She said. She paused, hands clenching tightly in her lap, his hand on her cheek, thumb soothing over heated skin. He kissed her forehead for the second time. She sat motionless, hands still balled in her lap. She silenced, listened to him as he went on, his hands then fell from her face. But what was said was more bizarre, peculiar, anomalous than anything that had happened prior to it. He offered her sex. Told her she had to want it, that it could be amazing, that he wouldn’t hurt her, and she would have to take it.

Her scareletting deepened. Her face burning hot now – or at least that was how it felt. What could she say to that? Her mind raced through answers. Yet none of them seemed appropriate, what do you say to an offer like that, when the other party knew that you had never voluntarily done such a thing? She became awkward, her body a lot stiffer, her face a picture of uncertainty. She honestly did not know what to say. She opened her mouth to speak. And shut it again, realising she had no words to speak. She didn’t want his pity. But neither did she want to anger him. She didn’t want to reply for fear she’d say the wrong thing.

Runs were easy. Danask blooded (though that was a fight) Danask ran, the bronze caught, a fit of lust was induced and she was bedded, she woke up the next day, remembering little and a little sore, and Danask clutched a sevenday later. This palaver he was talking about seemed far to… intimate. Which, now she looked at it, was naught but ridiculous.

She gave a faint hint of an embarrassed smile, eyes not meeting his even fleetingly – “I don’t really know what to say to that…” Her voice trailed off. Uncertainty was told now, and she felt supremely awkward. Despite the nagging voice in the back of her head that was… curious.

No fear, Fygwesk. She copes. She sees past charm The gold returned, knowing that her bond would not likely like suffering the complaints of an added mind right about now.

[Xennai]

Alder nodded, listening to the little speech about rank that Danae made. It did make sense, but he was more interested in the why she was saying this. And what he learned was interesting. Danae didn't like handouts. She liked working for herself, achieving things for herself. She shouldered responsibility, making it her cross to bear. She also didn't like being regarded or considered for her rank, but for the person she was underneath it all. She didn't want to be defined by her rank--she wanted it to be another facet of herself, just another piece of the puzzle that was the redhaired woman sitting in front of him. It was very, very interesting when he put it together with what else he knew of her.

Alder would have said something on that topic, but she switched to their other--more interesting, in his opinion--topic of conversation. And she seemed...mad. The bronze handler had certainly not been expecting that. He frowned lightly, sleepy green eyes a little self-doubting. Pity? He hadn't been pitying her, not at all. He'd sympathized for her. That was very different from pity. He felt for her, because, although Runs were Runs, the emotions illicited weren't really your own. They didn't completely belong to you. So it was rape, in his mind. It was consensual merely by the fact that, because it was a Run, those involved had already consented by being there.

It was a tangled, snarled mess of fact and fiction, of intentions and effects. It wasn't what Alder was worried about at the moment.

He watched her with probing, dark eyes. She flamed, blushing scarlet. Alder shook off the effects her flush gave him, instead reading her every signal of body language. There was embarrassment, which he deemed natural. She'd never willingly had relations, after all...She also seemed to be thinking. Rapidly. Fast. A combination of thoughts he thought he could almost read in her eyes, if she'd just look at him...Maybe he could figure out a way to convince her...

This wasn't about him or his appetite, not anymore. He didn't care about that. There'd be other willing women, who knew the games and the dance. That was exactly the point. Danae didn't know. She didn't know about the intricacies, the different levels, the different feelings. She didn't know the tricks, the fun, the pleasure, the intensity, how fabulous it all was. Alder was willing to show her...to teach her. He thought it incredibly sad that a woman grown didn't know how wonderful intercourse, as it should be, could be.

Alder felt like an ass for even offering it, especially when Danae spoke, when he saw the embarrassed smile tilting at her lips and the way she wouldn't look at him. Shards, he felt like a bastard, but he wanted her to know, wanted her to find out how it could be...He was willing to offer it to her, because he didn't think another man would be able to teach her what he could do. His experience had made him rather knowledgeable. It might be egocentrical of him to think so, but nonetheless he did.

The bronze handler leaned forward, tilting her chin up again so eyes met. "Say yes," he murmured. "Just say yes, Danae. I promise you, this is not about me or my appetites. This is about you. I would do this for you. I want you to know what it's like, Danae, when it's giving instead of take take take. Runs are so much different from relations when both parties want it of their own will, without wher lust running through their bodies. I want you to know, so when you do find a man you want, you'll know what what it's like, even if he fully does not deserve you." Lips tilted and Alder leaned forward, eyes capturing at the other handler's. "Say yes, Danae."

[panther]

She listened to his words, but she wasn’t at the exact same time. Alder was… charming, he was a womaniser, and yet, this wasn’t about that. Perhaps he did have more in common with her cousin than she thought. But that was neither here nor there at this moment in time. Will-fully engaged or otherwise, she really wasn’t looking for that right now. But he made her feel silly, embarrassed, like she was inferior because of her lack of experience. She swallowed an excess of moisture that had brown in her mouth at the cause of nerves. Her leg danced, flittering slightly up and down, simply on nerves. She was in a predicament. She was drunk, she was with an older, stronger bronze wher handler, and he was asking her to consent.

It was quite a predicament indeed. Alder’s eyes caught her for a moment, the blush that had begun to fade flared again, she squeezed her eyes shut, and angled her chin snug to her chest. He even told her to say yes. But, she couldn’t. How was she supposed to give him volition to bed her, if it was not what she wanted? If it wasn’t what she was looking for? Shards, no, it would change too much. Danae was inexperienced. But she was not silly, she knew exactly what would happen afterwards. The Awkwardness. The embarrassment. The general inability to talk to him without having stupid fleeting memories. Like the fact that even now her imagination was wandering without caution or heed to her consciences warnings.

She wished that the ground would simply tear open and swallow her up right now. The situation here was desperately awkward and uncomfortable for her. Even if he did think he was doing her a favour, she simply could not say yes. Perhaps, if Pern could not follow her, some god or deity could shrink her, or send her through the cold of between, like a dragon, and send her to a much more peaceful, solitary place. There was a lot to be said for solitude. In a way she did and did not miss it.

She breathed deep, and began, “Don’t…” She choked on her words, “Don’t take it wrong… Alder. “ She shook her head, “I do not mean anything by it.” Her words short, monosyllabic where at all possible. She swallowed, her throat parched now, “I can’t. I simply can’t” she shook her head, eyes still furiously closed. “It, it is not my way. No.” She said, shaking her head. “I there is no way I could. I just… I’m sorry… thank you… for the –uh – offer. But. I …” She shook her head, eyes opening slightly, sadness run through them. She met his eyes for a fleeting moment, as though to check he were still there, and that her wishing hadn’t cause him to disappear. The other thing that was present was nervous fear. This situation was far form normal to her. She might know how to deal with brainless louts. But Alder wasn’t and she did like him. However, she couldn’t really purvey what she wanted. Sitting, for she couldn’t move really or her position.

[Xennai]

Alder watched her, gaze frank and soft. He felt nerves flutter in the pit of his stomach and it was such an odd feeling. The bronze handler wasn't one to get nervous around women, not anymore. It'd been Turns since he'd felt like this. Nerves just weren't his thing at all.

But this...

This was an entirely different situation than he was used to. He was used to seducing a woman, either with drink or words or other trinkets. It might take a few days, a few hours, a few minutes. It didn't matter. What mattered was that once the seducing was done, there was a great deal of foreplay that ended with tangled legs between tangled furs. They might have their fun some more, but it usually ended in under a few sevendays.

Danae would be different.

For one, she was not some random woman. She was the senior gold handler at his new home. And not only that, she was smart and funny and sexy. She wasn't like the normal women Alder went for. She wasn't vapid or vain or overly endowed. She was different in a way he liked, liked a lot. This wasn't just for fun either, it was about something else entirely.

Alder knew, just from looking at the other handler, that she would say no even before she spoke. He knew she was embarrassed and could kind of tell that she wasn't sure what else to expect from him. He wasn't being the womanizer with an ego any longer. He was being human, and kind, and he had the feeling she didn't know how to handle that. He sighed when she managed to spit it out and nodded.

"All right. I understand." He glanced up from beneath dark lashes again, leaning forward, hand coming to her face again. He stared deep into her eyes, searching them. "You're saying no Danae, but your eyes look so sad...If you're nervous, it's understandable. Shards, it took me forever to lose my nerves around women. But Danae..." He glanced down, other hand toying with her fingers now. "You're making me nervous as well. You're making me incredibly nervous at this moment." He glanced up, eyes soft and thoughtful. "Please, Danae? Let me show you just a little. Just a little." He pressed closer, lips nearly brushing hers, skin touching skin, less than a few centimeters away. "Please...

---

Admin's Note:[/hr]"

[panther]

Nails were digging crescents into her own hands by this stage her knuckles blanched by the tension in her fists. Despite the fact that his hands split their attentions, hand on her face, and one on her own hands, attempting to get her to relax, to calm down. His questioning, his pleas, his wanting, his entire presence was becoming overwhelming. Shrouding. Encompassing. Tightening. Restricting. Too close. Her breath hitched. “I.. I-I…” She shook her head again, not trusting her mouth to say it anymore. She was making him nervous? Shards! All she wanted to do was to scream at him, ask him what he thought he was doing to a mildly claustrophobic reclusive loner, who’d never had an honest love. Ask him if he was nervous then to even try and imagine what this was doing to her. The entire situation made her heart race. It made her skin crawl, and he mind uncertain. And she was always so decisive.

She drew back into herself pulling her face a little further form his. She felt tight, terse, and ready to spring for the open air. She swallowed, a vain effort to dampen her throat. “Alder…” she croaked dryly. She was scared. Fearful and withdrawn. She looked at him, her eyes uncertain, fearful and unsure.

“we…” She cleared her throat, “We’ve both had too much to drink… I… you…” she faded off, her sentence had begun well, but the success had faded. She shook her head again. Feeling like an absolute wherryheaded fool. She shuddered… then the pleas turned, “alder, please… don’t…” She was beginning to panic now. She could feel this entire situation biding her tighter than a vice. Even through the alcohol, she was beginning to feel panic stricken. He was to close, she was too nervous, and where he was, she had no means of escape. That was what was getting to her most. “I… I know you’re not… not..” She fumbled for the word in her anxiety, cursing to herself, “you’re being nice… and decent. Bu-but.. I .. I” She shook her head, withdrawing from him even more. She bit her lower lip with nerves. Looking away, she was suffering such extreme embarrassment that she was finding it difficult to even address him, even when she did put on her level headed Wher woman cap. None of her regular tricks were working any longer.

[Shekru]

A few more momens passed that Fyg tolerated, and then there was less patience. And even less, still. With a roll of her eyes, Fyg slowly slipped out of her tree, out of sight of the pair. Dark clouds took residence in her thoughts. She had respected Danae too soon, she felt. Her steps through the grass were hardly stealthy, the whisking hiss of strands sliding past her boots was hardly a siren, but it was indicative of someone walking beyond the hall. Out past the edges of the hold she walked, moving away from the civilization and out into the surrounding environs.

You are upset? Fygwesk pressed curiously, concern evident in the tentative tone.

Annoyed, not upset. It would seem our queen's handler isn't so different from most women. A disappointment, Fygwesk judged, by the steely edge of Fyg's thoughts. I'm gonna look around and see what other game can be had. Find me when it gets dark enough for you. At last, her tone softened toward the wher. He did not deserve her ire. He was safe, steady. There was nothing he would do to harm her, or deceive her. Sometimes, it took a while for her to remember.

Between trees she trekked, into deeper grasses. Knife in hand, Fyg disappeared into concentration. It was work time.

[Xennai]

Alder heard the whisk of movement, from passing feet in grass, at the edge of his mind and brushed it aside. He was more focused on Danae right now. He could feel the nerves jangling from her, screaming at him, little sirens that were saying to back off and back off now. Slowly, Alder pulled away, face and then hands, moving back into his own little bubble of private space and leavin Danae to hers.

He listened with a calm face to her words, hiding the irritation he was feeling. It was not irritation because he was being denied, it was irritation because she was saying no because this was an unfamiliar situation for her. It was irritation because she was not willing to try, because she would not even condone the idea of it. The very thought made him want to gnash his teeth, but he refrained because he knew she was scared, he knew that she was frightened. It still made him vexed though.

Alder nodded as she managed to finish what she was trying to stay and stood in one smooth motion. He swung over the bench and reached over for his unfinished glass. He drained it in one go, almost slamming it to the table. He bowed before her and stood. His eyes were remote now and cold. "I bid you adieu then, Danae. I just wish you would have had the courage. This isn't about me, this is about you. This was about taking a chance for yourself and putting yourself out there. I think, perhaps, that Danask may have made a mistake in choosing you, but that is not my place to say. Good day."

He turned, striding out, but only far enough to be out of site of the kitchens. Once there, he sagged against a wall, eyes closing, hand coming over his face. He shouldn't have said the things he had, but he'd gotten a little head of steam up. Couldn't she see how big a sacrifice this was? And how much she could gain? This had absolutely nothing to do with him. It was about her and what he felt she should grab at. Apparently he'd been wrong. He muttered a couple of choice oaths, whirling to kick the wall, infuriated now with himself.

[panther]

Flinching as the glass hit the table, she listened to him, but she couldn’t meet his eyes.

But that turned her. His words, her fear was gone, hatred and loathing seeped in in the gaps where the fear, anxiety and nerves had been. It was almost as though she was bipolar – but no. Anyone would be when he’d just questioned her bond to Danask.

The man upped, and left. She was left, fuming after him. Even her arms were so tense now (with anger) that they were shaking. She stood. Her motions brittle and jarring. She stormed after him. “Alder!” She called, her tone malign. “How dare you say that?” She asked him. Fury dancing under her skin, making her hairs stand on end. “You have no right to even insinuate that. Danask is mine, she knows herself she made no error, and I know it also. So don’t you ever question my bond with her again. Simply because I refused you. Be it for my good – or whatever preposterous reasoning you give, if it not something I want – that’s worse the a Run – which you called rape.” She spat. She closed the distance between them, trying to make herself imposing.

“How can you even suggest such a thing?” Her tone was wavering now. Her hot headed streak cooling a little. “I’m easily worthy of being her handler. Turns ago, I would have agreed with you. But now? Danask and I share something that I know at heart is right. And for you to even doubt that for a second? Why? Because I am not folly? Shows you know so little about Danask and I. That you’re barely worth consideration.” She shook her head, anger fading on her expression, brow gently furrowed, but no mirth laid in her eyes, or her features, in fact it was distaste, once more. How cyclical. Distaste to start their meeting today, and distaste to finish. She shook her head and began to walk off back to her digs. Odd satisfaction at not letting him have the last say in the matter.

[Xennai]

Alder whirled when he heard his name called and his teeth immediately crashed together in a snarl, the anger flaring to new heights in dark green eyes that suddenly seemed to gleam hard as diamonds. Shard it, why did the woman have to keep goading him? He thought he’d said enough to get her so thoroughly angry at him that he wouldn’t have to see her for a few days, enough time for him to figure out just exactly what he was going to do now.

He listened to her, the anger flaring even further inside him. It was like a hot and fiery beast was eating him from the inside out. It was a beast that clouded vision and mind and made him say things he hadn’t meant to. Like what he’d said about Danae. Brow crumpled, anger roaring and then demolishing itself into ash.

Of course she’d be angry about that. He’d decked people who’d said fewer things about himself and Aldesk. Alder stood silently, face nearly white despite his coloring, his eyes huge and appalled. He’d always had a bad temper but this went beyond that. This went past the gray straight into the black where the word WRONG was scrawled in huge block letters.

She whirled, her piece done, a piece he’d fully deserved. Alder stood, shocked and disgusted with himself, for a few moments, watching her back and flaming hair retreat. And then he knew he couldn’t leave this for a few days, because if he did, he and Danae wouldn’t be on good terms again and with a rush he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stand that.

The bronze handler sprinted after the gold, coming up on her within the space of a couple dozen seconds. He whirled, skidding to a stop in front of her, chest heaving slightly. This wasn’t the exercise he was used to. “Danae.” Eyes searched her face, his own huge and worried, full of unspoken apologies. “I am…I can’t even say it because it doesn’t even cover it, but I am so sorry. I spoke out of anger and I didn’t mean what I said. You much more than deserve Danask and you two are perfect for one another. You’re a little queen through and through and that speaks of nobility and regality and a sense of responsibility that I don’t really understand, but it makes you admire you all the more for it.”

“I’m sorry.” He peered into amber eyes, his very gaze radiating honesty. It was harder to see, the lighting dimmer, and he realized they were nearly in the Digs. Aldesk would wake soon and they’d go hunting and check out the hold by night. But Danae was his first priority at the moment. “I am so terribly sorry, Danae, and it does not atone for what I said. I’ve maimed people for saying less to me about myself and Aldesk. I respect you for using nothing but a few well-placed words…” Gaze dropped down and he pulled back, genuinely contrite, genuinely upset. “But I am sorry,” he whispered.

[panther]

Satisfaction had been settling into pride of place in her mind, she felt as though she had done well rebuking him like that, her words choice, and exact to what she meant. But footsteps, heavy, running footsteps grew louder behind her, she groaned audibly, not really wanting to continue this charade any longer than she had to. He blocked her path. Trying to make a few attempts past him, all of which failed.

Danae stopped, jaw firmly set as he spoke, her eyes still wild and more than just angry at him. She was still fuming, though it had abated a little for her earlier blind rage.

She felt like he was sucking up to her a little. Which irritated her, but the way he done it (that or how she took it) was palatable. It was not sickening – well maybe a little – but she could deal with it. Besides, she could see in his eyes that he was sorry. Seemingly, both of their drunkenness had paled off into insignificance. She felt sober. Disastrously so. Though she didn’t really understand his anger at her denial of him, surely a playboy like him got turned down every now and then, and one couldn’t go into such rages then.

She cleared her throat, words cold, distant, obviously still irritated. “Your apology is accepted.” She tried to remain distant, indifferent, and impartial to quite how she felt about him now. “You’re lucky I can control my tongue and myself when I’m angry. Though I rarely resort to physical violence to make my point heard. At a comment like that, I’d be rather inclined to. She shook her head, making an attempt to push past him and continuing on to her own digs. She no longer wanted t discuss it. She wanted to just go in, see Danask, and sleep. Sleep tightly, and safely. But then confusion started to come back in, part of her was loathed to leave his company. She was quite close to him again now. And she had just noticed. She looked up at him, eyes still a little wild. For her rage had not completely subsided, despite the fact that he had apologized, and she had accepted it. She would not move on so quickly.

She pouted, “Am I allowed to go now Alder?” She asked him, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting of the hallway a little more now. “Or is there something else you’d like to say?” her tone was aloof, and she tried to keep it as uncaring as she could. But her breaths were slightly faster again. And she knew not why.

[Xennai]

Alder could see he wouldn’t readily be forgiven. Even though the words were said, he knew he wouldn’t be, not really. Cracks about your wher lasted much longer than cracks about yourself, especially when someone said that you were undeserving of that wher. Shard it, but he was a moron.

He felt her words pierce him, ice cold and aimed at the heart. He winced as if they had been physical knives that had been plunged inside of him. He was lucky to be forgiven at all, he knew that and knew she was being much too kind. But he really liked Danae and…He shook the thoughts off and nodded slowly, reaching out to grip her elbow lightly, proprietarily.

“Yes, I’m sorry, but there is.” She was close now, close enough that he didn’t have to talk much above a murmur. He didn’t want others hearing this conversation. “You’re the best Gold handler I’ve met. And…it wasn’t about me. Well, part of it was, I can admit that. But…” He glanced down, not meeting her eyes, though his grip didn’t loosen. “I wanted you to take a chance, to accomplish something that could be accomplished, ridiculous though that sort of accomplishment might be. I wanted you to experience…everything how it should be. Soft and dreamy, with no hurry or no rush.

“But…I respect your decision. I won’t press you anymore about it. But…the offer will always stand. And I hope you can forgive me for my rash words enough that we can be friendly. Friendly and have drinks. Nothing more if you want it.” He nodded, finally meeting her eyes, a soft smile on his lips. But it was strange, almost sad. Almost as if he were afraid this was a goodbye.

[panther]

Well he was full of buts tonight. She sighed harshly. Dramatically, making it obvious that she was uncomfortable. Why did he have to make this continue. “Whatever your reasons Alder. It’s not something I want.” She shook her head, she was beginning to give up where he was concerned. It was all about sex! He may paint a pretty picture, but generally, if the theme of the painting was not obvious, there were implications, subtle hints crafted into it. Removing her elbow from his grasp, so she still had her own will and wiles. She carefully considered her next words.

“Don’t talk as though this I good-bye, Alder, you’ll see me in a few hours. You also agreed to go on this excursion of Fygs, and you won’t get out of that so easy. And of course we will remain friends, I am not so petty as to send you away.” But as she looked at him, his eyes were sad. Why? Confusion swam to the top of her thoughts again, prolific in its presence. She cursed silently to herself. She paused. Hating herself for changing the topic of conversation even just a little piece. “Why…Why is it so important for you? Technically, it’s none of your business,” Her words hastened murmurs. She really did not like discussing this in open places. Not now sobriety had begun to sink back in. “What honest concern is it of yours that I should know ‘love’

---

Admin's Note:[/hr]” She asked him, her face showing her puzzlement. For, why should he care? Sure a friend of turns old would probably show some remorse, but she was no worse of for the lack of it? So why should she be shown such sympathy? From what little she knew, she wasn’t overly keen on it. It was a little too intrusive, and a little too intense.

But then she supposed he was right, it was likely very different outside of a run. She growled to herself for even considering it.

[Xennai]

She backed off again, retreating into herself, and Alder let her go, hand swinging to his side. He was still fending off a terrible sadness that had invaded him, because he felt like it wouldn’t be like this again. He didn’t feel like they could be relaxed and happy or even angry and spouting apologies again. It was a strange feeling and he squirmed, not liking how it fit inside of him. He was fine with goodbyes. His entire life had been goodbyes. So why now?

Eyes slowly gravitated to hers from their fixation on the floor and he frowned, genuinely puzzled. He wasn’t sure why he was so insistent she know, but knew only that he was. That she should experience intimacy how it was meant to be. He frowned, testing his words slowly. “I…can’t honestly say, Danae. It’s not that my only motive is to lay with you, it’s not. I can’t say because…I don’t really know. I just know it’s one of the things I like most in life. Honestly. But more than that…You shouldn’t have to have all your experience based off of a Run. It just isn’t right. They’re two completely different spheres that don’t touch.”

Alder sighed, growing frustrated with himself. He wasn’t explaining this right. A hand raked through dark hair as he arranged and rearranged thoughts quickly. “I loved this girl once, more than anything in all of Pern. We were each others firsts. I can’t…accurately describe the feelings invoked. There was wonder and awe and beauty and amazement. It was awkward, but we got the hang of it. And the wonders increased. When you’re bare before someone like that, both physically and mentally, vulnerability is abounding. But it’s when you’re together and it feels right…and perfect…And you don’t care if they’re lopsided and they don’t care that you have a funny mole…It’s just astounding.”

“And,” he continued, rolling now. “It’s showing love and appreciation and care and generosity and kindness in a way that can’t be achieved by any other means. It’s connecting on an entirely different level than any other. It’s…it’s why it’s intimate, why it’s private. It’s a miracle, honestly, and I may relish it a bit more than others like, but I try to give any woman I’m with a sense of that miracle.”

Alder fell silent, realizing how much he’d said, how much he’d revealed, how much he’d told. It was hard to tell in the dim lighting, but he might have been flushed scarlet. He raked his hand through his hair again, laughter embarrassed, tilted. “So…I guess that’s…why.” Shards, what was he going to do?! He’d never told a woman what he’d told her, never revealed the inner workings of Alder. But he felt right passing those thoughts along. Felt right because, well, it was Danae.

[panther]

She stood, bewildered. His response? Well it wasn’t exactly what she was expecting. She stood confused for a moment. The words there but not really settling in. She gave another dramatic kind of sigh, but this one had true reasons, her head was all confused again, and she really didn’t deal with it well. “This is really not the place or time to be having this conversation…” She paused, her lips pursing in a tight line. She looked back down the hallway from where they’d just come from. Then down the corridor that wound around to their digs.
She pouted a little, her mind unbelieving that she was actually choosing this. “Come on then, you big wherry.” She really didn’t know what to say at the moment, and the walk at least would give her some time to think. She slid her hand into his and pulled him after her.

Letting go, she descended the steps to her digs, opening the door, careful not to be too loud Danask? no reply came, but she thought it anyway, Alder’s here, he’s a friend, its fine, the one from earlier. Still no response. But Danae at least didn’t feel so guilty. She waved him in and wandered off into her private quarters still expecting him to follow. She moved in, threw herself onto the bed, perhaps she was still a little tipsy, and shuffled herself into place at the had of the bed, pillows and furs all wrapped about her. The room was cool, as would be expected of a room situated beneath ground level and contained by a foot of both dirt and stone all around.

She beckoned him over, and patted an area beside her as she undone her hair clips that kept her fringe bound in place, she leaned over with a deal of effort and placed them on the table beside her cot. She looked quite small, clothed and wrapped in the dark soft furs, the bed looking peculiarly large and empty, despite her presence.

“So, she was you’re first love eh?” She smiled, in a sympathetic way. Then she thought she had better clarify, realizing this was a cot, and she had freshly denied his offer to bed her, this could look a little… hypocritical. She sighed, men were always such an awkward thing to deal with, “And, just so we are clear. I’ve not brought you here to take you up on your offer, I just felt that what was said, was something that was going to need a little more talking about, and I decided that it would likely be better in comfort and solitude.” She shook her head, trying to make boundaries. She felt like she should give him the same level of respect that he had shown her.

“I understand a little better. Now, anyway.” She told him, “But, I’m” She paused, let a slow breath out, she didn’t really know how to explain it, “I’m not looking for a lover, Alder.” She shook her head, her eyes looking at her thumbs, which, with interlaced hands in her lap were twirling about one another. “I understand that it can be something, desirable between two people who want such, but… I don’t” She shrugged, “Odd it may be. But I have no compulsion to sleep with some one.” She looked at him, honesty present, “All I want, is this place to thrive, and for a few trusted friends, that I can talk to when necessary or needed.” She shook her head, “That’s all Alder. It may be enjoyable, and good sport and all. But… To be honest, I’m content with friendship for now.” She told him, “And as long as you can accept that, that’s fine.”

[Xennai]

Alder felt horribly open and soft, like a clam that had been cracked open to expose soft innards. It, and he, were hard on the outside, stiff and unwieldy sometimes. But inside…Both were soft and contained little pearls, gems of beauty despite the rough outside exterior. Alder had revealed one of his pearls, one of the things that made him more than the womanizing bronze handler, made him more than the coward who had run away to Southern. He wasn’t quite sure what to do about it.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when Danae took his hand, pulling him after her. She released it quickly, but he figured she’d at least softened a little toward him. He was nonetheless shocked when she opened the door to her Dig and allowed him in. A brow rose questioningly, but he followed her in, cautious and wary. He wasn’t sure that there wasn’t going to be a big, burly man ready to pound his head in for the thoughts he’d entertained. It seemed safe enough and he followed her into her private domain. He glanced at the couch, watching as she curled up into it, settling amongst it like a queen.

She looked delicate and fragile all cuddled up in the furs, her skin pale against the relative darkness. Her eyes and hair belied the illusion though, both bright, shiny, reminding him of warm things. Alder glanced over as she patted the couch and slowly moved, settling on it beside her and made himself more comfortable, sliding on to it and laying down, squirming into place amongst the furs. “I know,” he murmured in reference to her warnings, voice soft. “I won’t jump your bones or anything. And yes, she was…We were together for a long time and then I found out she’d been screwing my father.” His voice sounded offhand and matter-of-fact, but his eyes weren’t. They burned for a few moments before he turned to look at her. Perhaps he’d made himself too comfortable but he didn’t care.

Smile touched at lips, banishing the old anger that had taken residence among his features. He laughed softly, turning to stare at the ceiling, hands crossed behind his head and nowhere near her. Like a good boy. “I can agree with that and be fine with it, as long as you excuse my occasional slip ups. I’m just going to tell you know that I will call you those little names, that I will probably touch you and kiss you, but it will be as friends and nothing more.” He turned to look at her again, beaming, eyes shining with laughter. “Tell me that’s all right or else I don’t think I can agree to your side of the bargain.”